EDIBLE: What Big Sur hospitality has to do with Paris heartbreak.

There were old friends and fast friends, winemakers and wine directors, longtime hospitality pros and dedicated volunteers, Ocean Sushi Deli specialty rolls and KrugRosé Champagne, big fat magnums and thin skinny dippers.

In short, this was the type of Big Sur this-is-loving-life party that has come to define the South Coast and Big Sur Food & Wine. They were deep down the coast Nov. 13, on what BSFW has branded a “Magical Mystery Tour.” They hiked down underneath Rocky Creek Bridge and broke out a half dozen superlative white wines from the likes of Chappellet, Stagård, Testarossa and Bernardus.

The band of people gathered privately to celebrate the BSFW tradition despite the fact worries over El Niño helped push the public event back a year. The tribe, each of whom has serving others imprinted on their genome, would later move north to the coastal mount at Soberanes Point to assemble homemade crostini on a bench and toast the sunset with wine from the Pisoni and Franscioni families’ new Soberanes vineyard. See what tour ringleader (and BSFW co-captain) Aengus Wagner did there? There are reasons he won Weekly readers’ vote for best server in Monterey County for his work at Nepenthe.

Later they’d adjourn to a nonfestival – aka mini festival – hosted by epic BSFW party set designer Lisa Haas and festival founder Toby Rowland Jones, where a calvacade of characters – Nala the jungle carpet python, PigWizard, Shelby and Dave Lambert, Alicia Hahn, Katie and Matt Shea, Laurie Smith, Kari Bernardi – matched the warmth and depth of the spread, what with the wealth of goodies like homemade olive bread, pulled pork, pecan pie and Fanny Bay oysters.

But before all that, back down south, they found a spirit animal in stunningly scenic Rocky Creek Bridge, as it’s overlooked for far-more famous Bixby Bridge, much like scrappy BSFW gets overshadowed by Pebble Beach Food & Wine. No small amount of BSFW’s profound familial feel has to do with this crew, and the resident Big Sur spirit itself. Down here welcoming hearts and independent souls roam – and cell signals don’t.

Which is why the tragic news of the day’s events didn’t strike quickly. Hahn broke the news to the group, and silence overtook sunset.

But they did strike deeply.

At first I wasn’t sure why. 60 Minutes doesn’t normally make me so emotional. Other tragedies, even heartbreaking school shootings, haven’t kept me up late. (Some of that spent discussing the chilling revelations from Graeme Woods’ Atlantic piece on the “carefully considered” religious beliefs of the Islamic State.)

Other mass murders didn’t inspire me to think quite so long on how fear affects freedom, and how to best affirm the latter. (That took me to a surprising place: http://bit.ly/liberateslaves.) Other coordinated killings haven’t sent me scrambling to relisten to the TED Radio Hour on compassion called “Just a Little Nicer.”

The powerful piece includes openly gay liberal news commentator on Fox News (really) Sally Kohn (“Start with what you have in common”); spirtuality/humanity-centric broadcast journalist Krista Tippett (“We should teach [compassion] like we do playing the piano or throwing a ball”); and science author Robert Wright (“We’re designed to be nicer to people if fate is intertwined with ours; the bad news is we’re not always good at recognizing how intertwined our fates are”).

Tippett adds: Compassion involves kindness, curiosity, empathy, forgiveness, presence, listening. “It’s not about agreeing,” she says, “but honoring humanity.”

Wright observes: “Your close friend has something really terrible happen, and you feel really bad, but if you read in the newspaper something horrible happened to someone you haven’t heard of, you can live with it. That’s human nature.”

So why I am still spooling through the Washington Post’s profiles of the dead, meeting beautiful people I’ll never know? Why keep doing something that makes my chest feel so heavy and empty at the same time? Why do I observe so many friends and colleagues doing the same thing?

Because these victims weren’t distant. These were lovers of life who worked in hospitality and adore generous servers and honor culture and share food and drink. A lot like this BSFW group gathering beneath the bridge.

They are Paris. We are Paris. And Syria, Lebanon, Kenya, anywhere where community matters.

Hurt, but not hurtful.

QUICKBITES

• The Wine Experience (869-8192), across the Monterey Plaza Hotel & Spa at 381 Cannery Row, soft-opened last month and is now readying for its official break out. More on the blog.
• According to Seaside City Manager John Dunn, In N Out’s construction is behind schedule, and now slated to open in January.
• Food truck party 6-9pm Friday, Nov. 20 at Del Rey Oaks’ Moose Lodge. More on the blog, plus Marina mobile grub.
• Alessio Giannuzzi is out at Giorgio’s in Oldtown’s 201 Main St. and in at Gusto in Seaside (899-5825), where they are reintroducing Italian nights and live music like impressive young singer-songwriter John Sotelo 7-10pm Dec. 3
• Not often that a tasting room is open on Turkey Day but this Thanksgiving Scheid Vineyards’ Carmel room at San Carlos and Seventh pours noon-4pm.
• Salinas Valley Chamber teams with Maya Cinemas for “Mixer and a Movie” in Oldtown 5:30-6:30pm Thursday, Nov. 19, with snacks and wine and the comedyLove the Coopers to follow.
• Big Sur Roadhouse (667-2370) has new wine, kids, dessert and bar menus and a thick five-course Thanksgiving spread complete with Shakespearean accompaniment.
• Avocado obsessor David Schmalz has a go-to for ripe avos: Monterey Produce (373-2200), which feeds underrated sister eatery The Market Restaurant (373-5017). His recipe for best avocado-kale salad known to man appears on the blog. Check out his cover story on failed Marina Dunes food on p. 22
• Big Sur Community Harvest Market brings veggies, artists and live music to Loma Vista Gardens 11am-3pm Nov. 22.
• 5:30-7pm Friday, Nov. 20, Twisted Roots teams with Hofsas House for wine and nibbles to benefit Peace of Mind Dog Rescue poolside ($15, 624-2745).
• Lugano Swiss Bistro (626-3779) gives SPCA For Monterey County 20 percent of sales Dec. 1-8. Fondue time.
• Linda Tippett paraphrasing Albert Einstein: “Humanity needs [emotional] technology as much as it needs the others that have set before us the terrifying and wondrous possibility of actually becoming one human race.”