Adisa Vaughn

When Adisa Vaughn and Lauryn Ricigliano had their son Asante in 2013, they weren’t busy worrying about what color to paint his room, or at what age he should be potty trained. They were more concerned about him growing up in a safe community with people that looked like him. That’s because Asante is biracial (black from Vaughn’s side and white from Ricigliano’s). 

But when they tried to find a play-to-learn group, none of the county’s parenting resources were a perfect fit for their family. Many were too expensive, or they weren’t very diverse, with mostly white families enrolled. So they decided to do it on their own.

Earlier in 2016, Vaughn and Ricigliano created their own Families of Color Monterey County Meetup under the umbrella of Parenting Connection of Monterey County; they now have 16 regular members. Vaughn spoke with the Weekly about race and what problems of the past can tell families of color about the future.

Weekly: How are you different from other dads, as the father of a mixed-raced kid?

Vaughn: I don’t see myself as different from other dads. I feel like the generation of fathers now are willing and wanting to be in their child’s life. My father, he lived in Sacramento and I lived in Seaside. I’d only get to see him during the summer. But out of that month I was there, I was always in basketball camps. It wasn’t like we were bonding or seeing each other. If there’s any difference, it’s generational.

Do you have any white friends?

(Laughs.) No, they’re more like associates.

Why do you think that is?

I think it’s just time. There’s a difference between white culture and people-of-color cultures. I grew up seeing those differences. At the end of day, their pay is always going to be higher than I get paid. [White people] get to freely do what they want with their kids.

Right now, I’m saving as much as I can to get Asante to Disneyland. So when I hear a white guy that casually says something like, “Oh, you know we’re just getting ready to go to Disneyland or going to so and so,” in my head I’m like, “Man, eff you!”

Many parents are now teaching their kids not to go out wearing hoodies or talking to them about them cooperating with police officers. Those parenting lessons seem particular to people of color. Do you ever get anxious about maybe one day having to teach your kid similar lessons?

No, because of where I live. If I lived in those areas that with high black populations and racist white officers, or you just had a town with completely white officers, you can definitely tell that there’s tension. I’ve lived here my entire life, so the people around here are people I grew up around.

So I’m not necessarily anxious right now to teach him don’t wear a hoodie, don’t do this, don’t do that. What I’m anxious for him to do is grow up in a safe environment.

My parents didn’t teach me white people were bad. My parents told me to go to school, get good grades and work. It’s only when I grew up that I realized that something is not right. I guess I’ve known for awhile, but it’s only when you grow up you ask, how do you go about it? How do you deal with being scared all the time? How do I get out of what I like to call the “slave mentality”?

My mother and father were born in the ’40s. My mother was born in Mississippi, so she’s seen beatings. My father was part of the Black Panthers.

Raised by mom it was like, “Say ‘yessir’ and ‘ma’am,’” straight Southern hospitality. But with my dad it was, “You talk to them like they’re people. You don’t sit there and give them any extra credit, and don’t get ran over by anyone.” I got it from both sides.

What advice would you give your son?

Find out who you are. It takes time and when you don’t have the parent around – like I didn’t have my father around all the time – it takes a long time. But when you finally figure it out, you can breathe and say, “This is who I am as a person, and this is what I can do.”

FAMILIES OF COLOR MONTEREY COUNTY meets up Dec. 8 from 6-8pm (and the second Thursday of each month) at Marina Del Mar Elementary School, classroom 9, 3066 Lake Drive, Marina. riciglianolauryn@gmail.com, www.parentingconnectionmc.org.

Editor's note: This story has been updated to reflect the following correction. Families of Color Monterey County Meetup launched in 2016, not 2014, as previously stated.