In N Out move to Seaside cancelled, Burger King to make it featured location for left-handed sandwich.

(Editor's note: In case you need further clarification, this was an April Fool's Day prank.) 

Putting the out in In N Out, the wildly popular burger chain has abandoned its plan to set up shop on Del Monte Avenue in Seaside.

In N Out did it animal-style, curtly claiming there are too many geese in the area that would defecate in the parking lot as part of a scalding official email to Mayor Ralph Rubio that also ripped him for frequenting the nearby McDonald's.

This comes after years of breathless anticipation and overzealous courting that included Marina Mayor Bruce Delgado staging a flash mob and me marveling at it all with the piece, "The happiest news many people will hear all week: In-N-Out finally coming to Seaside."

Several other suitors for the spot swooped right in, including Monterey Downs In and Outs Strip Club and a off-track horse-betting casino called Ralph's Race Place.

But ultimately Burger King won the rights to develop the spot as the new home of a breakout hit from its developmental menu, the Left-Handed Whopper, in which all the ingredients are rotated 180 degrees to maximize southpaw pleasure and manageability. 

This comes with other intense, mayor-involved news, including:

• A report area mayors have decided on human sacrifice "to propitiate the gods of the State Water Resources Control Board."

• News that Carmel Mayor Jason Burnett has decided to do three dramatic things: 1) Enforce the high-heels and ice-cream-cone bans to increase city revenues from related fines; 2) Open the Carmel River to steelhead fishing because, he reasons, once they're extinct, the cease-and-desist order on Cal Am will go away and they can just keep overpumping the river and drop the desalination plant proposal; and 3) Allow a medical marijuana dispensary to move in next to the fancy new toilet by the beach.

Nic Coury, Kera Abraham, David Schmalz and Adam Joseph contributed to this special April 1 report.