Tips for a joyful wedding – the second time around.

A second marriage is still a new marriage, Brian Borgia of Weddings in Monterey says. The ceremony should reflect that.

“You don’t want to go back and re-create your first wedding,” he says. “It’s nice to make a clean break and do something different.”

Different can come in many flavors. For some couples, that means breaking from tradition and doing something more daring and personalized. The couple can write their own vows. The bride can wear a gown that’s not white. The wedding can happen in a non-denominational setting. In fact, one of Speirs’ clients plans to wear a purple bridal dress – at her Civil-War-themed wedding on the Fourth of July.

Other second-time spouses-to-be bring simpler wish lists, like friends, family, a church and a chocolate cake. Whether the vision is modest or elaborate, “It’s less fantasy and a lot more reality,” says Patty Speirs, who runs Salinas-based Every Last Detail Wedding and Event Coordination. “The things [the bride and groom] choose will be more specific. They are not out to impress anybody else.”

Speirs says there are a few taboos to avoid at a second wedding, like a bride wearing the same dress as her first. “That’s bad luck!” she says. Only very precious family heirlooms get her reluctant pass to be worn again.

Experience is a great advantage for couples having second-time weddings. They can enter the process as seasoned planners with clearer goals. They can be less distracted by fluff and formality. The key, Speirs says, is for a couple to communicate clearly, focus their vision and block out any unhelpful opinions from friends and family members.

However, prices have almost undoubtedly increased since the first “I do’s,” leaving many second-timers with sticker shock. That’s especially true when couples have larger expenses, like mortgages and kids’ educations, than they did during their first nuptials.

Opting for a smaller ceremony helps alleviate the financial burden. Borgia suggests shortening the guest list to the couple’s closest friends and family members. There’s no need, he says, to invite distant relatives or mom and dad’s friends. He says the typical second wedding has a guest list roughly half as long as a first, perhaps 50-75 people instead of 100-150.

Children from the previous marriage should be included as much as possible, he adds: as ring bearers, flower girls or even walking their parent down the aisle. A nice gesture is a ceremonial gift of jewelry to younger kids, mirroring the couple’s exchange of rings.

Be it more relaxed, more distinctive or simply less stressful, the second wedding is a chance to improve on the first.