Foodchain

Serious Celebration… We are officially in the stretch run between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. I have already been visited by 2,000 Santas, elves, reindeer and other Christmas aberrations imploring me to buy, buy, buy. Fortunately I have a newly refilled prescription of Lipizolviapremlunestathoid (I asked my doctor about it), guaranteed to cure my restless holiday syndrome.

In fact, I’ve decided to send nothing but prescription drugs as gifts this year. I have an understanding doctor who will write me scrips to whatever drug I ask him for. I am simply going to log onto the major pharmaceutical companies’ websites, choose the latest and greatest drugs they’ve created for us, get a nice supply of each, along with a selection of handsome little pill boxes, then send a variety pack of colorful pills to each of my loved ones and friends.

I just know they’ll all be thrilled to receive my specially conceived disease-eradication kits, along with a tasteful holiday greeting card and my loving best wishes. The heck with goofy things like bottles of wine or gift certificates to restaurants or toys or silk ties. I’m giving the gift that will keep giving until they die – which might be quite a bit sooner than they may have hoped. Just ask the highly trained, good ole’ Big Pharma Boys.

Leave it to me to cold-cock you right in the beginning of the beautiful holiday season, eradicate all the wonderful innocence and flypaper your happiness to my strip of cynical, society-smearing stickum… sorry. Maybe some gift certificates would be a better idea after all. It is frivolous of me to speak so irreverently about something as important as our nation’s health, irresponsible of me to use my own loved ones and friends as exploding examples of the pharma-madness that pervades our system of “health.”

Jaded Cove… Hey, it’s the holidays. There is nothing at all jaded about them, nothing but beauty, innocence, love, happiness and fa la la la la di da. Especially with the declining dollar, really lame economic forecast and general sense of queeziness at our decaying shell of a civilization. Probably the most positive part of the upcoming holiday season is the quality of distilled and fermented beverages available to help lubricate the creaking holiday machine. If I may quote the immortal John Blutarsky (from Animal House): “My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.”

That reminds me. A few issues ago, I listed a number of local purveyors of fine wines and/or spirits where you could find help with choices for the holidays. I inadvertently forgot to mention my man Kerry “Vladislav” Winslow, wine guy at Bouchée Wines on Mission just off Ocean in Carmel. He was so hurt, he packed his bags and ran away to Russia (see photograph) to try to forget the slight. Fortunately, David Fink was able to coax him back and now he’s available at Bouchée to help with your holiday choices. Stop in and say zdravstvuite.

Fish Tales… I don’t know if you caught the latest issue of Carmel Magazine or not, but there was something fishy going on in the dining section. It had a full page “Sound Bites” devoted to Gregory Lizza, chef at Fresh Cream in Monterey. But the guy standing in the Fresh Cream dining room with Lizza’s chef coat on was actually a professional model from San Francisco. At least that’s what Lizza’s wife, Jannae, told me. Also, there was a festive-looking holiday shot of Gary Obligacion in front of what looked like a fireplace. I happen to know that he is a devotee of the “Yule Log” and keeps a video looping all day in his home.

Hey, Ole Gary O is moving on from Bernardus to help with the upcoming Pebble Beach Food and Wine pebblebeachfoodandwine.com. He’s joining Rob Weakley, Dave Bernahl, Mark Buzan and a cast of thousands to get this inaugural food/wine wonderland off the ground. It’s approaching fast (the end of March) and needs able bodies and minds to make it happen. They couldn’t ask for anybody better than Gary.

ANOTHER SERVING… Alberto’s has some new banquettes to plop your posterior down upon. Nothing like being comfortable and comfort fed… Bistro 211 will be hosting its twelfth annual Scandinavian Holiday dinners Dec. 4, 5 and 6, as well as 11, 12 and 13. The traditional menu will consist of asmorgasbord of smoked salmon, assorted herring, Leverposteg, and Scandinavian cheeses and breads, with your choice of entree: baked ham, salmon or stuffed chicken. Includes Juleglogg and rice porridge – all for $35. You can enjoy a Nordic holiday right here in Carmel – no snow, just good times with friends, 625-3030, bistro211.com… The Monterey County Young Professionals Groups invites you to celebrate the holidays in Baja. Join them Thursday, Dec. 6, at 6pm at Baja Cantina in Carmel Valley for its annual holiday mixer and toy drive. Bring a toy valued at $10 or more in lieu of an entrance fee, in addition to business cards for networking. Community Partnership for Youth will be the recipient of this year’s toy drive. Gifts must be non-violent and unwrapped for boys or girls ages 6 to 12. RSVP to mcypg@armanasco.com by Friday, Nov. 30… don’t forget Moss Landing Town Lighting and Holiday Craft Fair on Dec. 1. The festival will have music, a Victorian costume competition, craft booths, antiques, Santa and lights – on boats and businesses and houses, plus Kim Solano, owner of The Haute Enchilada… also don’t forget Ventana Vineyards has its Open House Dec. 1 and 2 at the tasting room on Highway 68. Nothing but fun there, let me tell you.

If any of you have noticed the sign on the front of Montrio Bistro in downtown Monterey that looks like a change of ownership posting for the ABC, fuggettaboutit. They just had to do something with the liquor license name and have to go through all the bureaucratic BS, so stop bugging the folks there with questions. Happy stretch drive.