Death is not something to shy away from, and a growing number of people are supporting the dying and their loved ones.

Is there such a thing as a “good death?” Pam Marino here, sharing the cover story I wrote for this week’s paper called “Sweet Parting.”

There are people among us who work to create a good death for those who are dying, or at least, help make the transition process from this life to the next a little more comfortable, as well as help their loved ones as they grieve. 

They are called death doulas, or end-of-life doulas, and their numbers are growing. They are considered non-medical companions who provide care and services beyond what hospice provides, and they can work with clients for months before they even enter hospice, as well as after the death to help families prepare for celebrations of life or in linking to grief counseling. 

I originally tried to do this story about eight years ago after reading about a death doula in the San Francisco Bay Area, but could only find one here in our county listed in a national database. She declined to be interviewed.

Fast forward to earlier this year, and suddenly I was hearing more and more about the doulas, including those locally.

Thanks to Annie Berlin, who serves as vice president of the Hospice Giving Foundation Board of Directors, she introduced me to the three doulas I interviewed: Laurie Wheeler and Linda Anne Goulet based in Monterey and David Hahklotubbe whose practice is based in Carmel.

Instead of turning me down, all three doulas were generous with their time and shared their knowledge, eager to help the public better understand the role of death/end-of-life doulas. These are people who went into the profession to help others—some doulas go on to only work as volunteers, others split their time between volunteering and a private practice.

The doulas are also interested in helping those of us who shy away from thinking about our own deaths—or the deaths of loved ones—feel a little more comfortable with making plans now rather than later.

“Whatever planning we do in advance is a gift to our loved ones, and it sets the stage for a more peaceful passing, both for us and our family members,” Wheeler told me. 

Wheeler also suggests that by taking small steps in planning for the end of life, the more comfortable we will feel about thinking about it and talking about it with loved ones and friends.

Reading my story is another small step, a chance to gain information that may come in handy at some point. “Tomorrow’s not promised,” as Hahklotubbe reminds us. 

Have you had an experience with a death or end-of-life doula? Would you consider using one?