Ungodly Garlic Mission: 21 Different Dishes at Gilroy Garlic Festival

At the Gilroy Garlic Festival, food, wine and people come together for three glorious days of eating, cooking, frying, drinking, craft hunting, live-music listening and more eating.

There’s another less famous activity. Stinking.

Thanks to the summer heat of inland Gilroy, and the fiery barbecues and spicy foods, the festival area becomes a sort of savory stew with the smell of cloves and oil and 45,000 people eating garlic and sweating garlic. But braving that wasn’t nearly the hardest part of my mission. (If you like garlic, that smell only adds to the fun.)

No, the challenge was to sample 21 of the most delectable and pungent dishes on the property. Here’s the lineup of tastes in order of chronological consumption:

1. Pepper steak sandwich • The lead item for combo plate 1—which proved underwhelming compared to combo plate 2—was average street fare, light on garlic. The meat was juicy but the bread was overly buttered.

2. Calamari • There were other more interesting calamari booths at the festival but I chose the one from Gourmet Alley, where many of the 4,000 volunteers prep the food according to classic festival recipes. Although the chopped garlic was there visually, the flavor was lost in the unremarkable tomato sauce. Perhaps the key lime calamari or zesty garlic fried version along Gourmet Alley would’ve been more appealing.

3. Garlic bread • A better bet would be getting a whole loaf from Safeway for half the price and double the tastiness. It came on the combo plates as two oil-soaked squares of bread.

4. Pasta con pesto • Another miss. I was starting to get a little impatient. Its dryness and lack of potency—or garlic—made me wonder if it belonged at this eater’s festival.

5. Italian sausage sandwich • Hallelujah. Now we’re talking. A linchpin of combo plate 2, this sandwich had a garlic saturation of roughly 150 percent. Red and green peppers and onion gave the sandwich pops of bitterness and crunch that paired nicely with the intense garlic and juicy sausage.

6. Scampi • Plump shrimp bathed in a rich garlic-infused butter sauce and crispy chopped cloves in every bite of this salty concoction made it one of the better offerings from Gourmet Alley. Suddenly I was on a roll.

7. Marinated mushrooms • The lemony zing and garlic chunks gave it a sour, stinky and refreshing taste that balanced the richness of other items on combo plate 2. Another winner.

8. Garlic kettle corn • Sold at Olde Tyme Kettle Korn, the slight garlic flavor worked well. It was a tad saltier than the regular version for a remarkably perfect sweet-salty balance.

9. Garlic ice cream • For the most part, the light vanilla flavor was pleasing and there was only a hint of garlic, so my eager curiosity was only partly satisfied. But it was hot and the line was long so I felt entitled to hoarding a couple of these free samplers on tiny cones.

10. Garlic jelly • My stomach regretted the two too many free garlic ice creams. I took a breather, made a wax hand and watched the Great Garlic Cook-Off. An hour later, I sampled the garlic jelly. Surprisingly, it was sweet and tart like a regular fruit jam. I could imagine myself smearing this on morning toast pretty much every day.

11. Garlic pineapple upside down waffle • At The Golden Apple booth I was tempted to go for the tastier looking Belgium waffles but my mission called for whipped cream, caramel sauce, pineapple and garlic served hot dog style on a waffle. The toppings literally melted into a unique flavor that was somewhat off-putting, and the waffle was tough, but I’m proud to say I tried it.

12. Samples Lane • At the back of the festival, I stepped into sample heaven. To make up for steep ticket prices, they had tons of little free tastes of Hawaiian bread, roasted garlic and pesto pasta, fruit smoothies and vinegars and oils such as black raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. Think Costco free samples, only with better chefs and worse garlic breath.

13. Alligator • High school biology taught me crocodiles are closely related to birds so no surprise when the gator tasted just like fried chicken, with a seafood tint. The adventurous folks looking for bragging rights ordered this or the kangaroo and frog legs from Louisiana Cajun Lady.

14. Sweet potato garlic fries • At this point, I was slightly nauseated from all the oil of previous dishes. I went for the least oily—and healthiest—fries variation. The outside was nice and crispy with just the right amount of garlic flavor.

15. Garlic edamame • The delicate sweetness and well-balanced garlic flavor transformed boring edamame into finger-lickin’-good beans.

16. Crab garlic fries • I brought a gang with me to pick up leftovers but there wasn’t a shred of potato left when I got through this dish. Hailed as one of the most popular and tastiest items, these beer battered fries with creamy aioli and snow crab lived up to its reputation as diet-busting and scrumptious.

17. Fruit Friz smoothie • Amongst the sweaty masses, I started mopping my forehead, too. I took a break from garlic with an ice cold beverage.The smoothie stand was a sort of assembly line where my cup got filled with three layers of smoothie: strawberry, peach and banana. The tangy strawberry was especially divine in the 90 degree weather, and readied me for the final run of garlic dishes.

18. Garlic pistachio ice cream • I got the regular scoop although the other option was a cantaloupe bowl. For my garlic-numbed palate, it was just good old pistachio ice cream, thick and peppered with whole pistachios.

19. Garlic battered cajun fried catfish • Catfish done poorly can have a mushy sort of texture; that was the sin here. The name didn’t quite fit either since Mainstreet Food Concessions seemed to have skimped on the garlic and the spices. It did come with jambalaya, which was nice.

20. Smoked turkey leg • Just when I thought I couldn’t eat another bite, I saw Willow Street Woodfired Pizza’s fifty lamp-sized turkey legs sizzling on top of the grill. For 10 bucks, it was a killer deal since my chunk of meat was big enough to feed a family of carnivores. The skin was crispy and smokey. No garlic to report, though.

21. Sweet garlic jerky • For my final taste I got a treat from Jerky Hut California to take home. It reminded me of teriyaki but with an added burst of garlic flavor. Like many things, better with garlic.

After four grueling hours of pushing through crowds and waiting in lines, I left the festival with a sunburnt nose, a bloated stomach and a distinctly pungent breath.

All in all, a pleasant experience thanks to the upbeat crowd, my newly acquired garlic knowledge and the sheer adventure. Would I do it again? Probably not. Would I talk about it again? Definitely so.