Heads in the sand: Cal Am wins access to draw water samples.

The story of desal gets so meta sometimes it can be dizzying. In this case, California American Water plans to drill two 350-foot-deep, 6-inch-diameter bore holes in the sand, where it's going to suck up water and ship off a sum total of about four gallons to ship off to a lab.

That's the test sample for a test well. Meta enough yet?

A crew is planning to go out Friday afternoon to drill the holes and collect the water samples, but before they do, here's a recap, as told largely on Twitter, of the three lengthy public meetings that brought us here. Boring never gets boring, at least when the democratic process is this entertaining.

First, the big picture: Cal Am is trying to build a test well for its proposed desal plant. There are all kinds of questions about the plan to suck up brackish water from the Cemex sand mining plant in Marina, including water rights and what the impact might be on the already-overpumped Salinas Valley groundwater basin.

But they needed the city to sign off on those two bore holes. On Feb. 6, the Planning Commission voted 4-2 to deny crews the ability to drill the holes.

Minutes after the vote, Carmel Mayor Jason Burnett filed an appeal on behalf of the Peninsula mayors's group, the Monterey Peninsula Regional Water Authority. That bumped up a decision to the Marina City Council, which held a five-hour meeting on Feb. 12 to decide. By a vote of 3-1, they said OK, which leads us to today.

Here's a rundown of the Feb. 12 meeting, as reported live on Twitter:

5:58pm: Drill, baby, drill. Cal Am wants two boreholes on Cemex property in Marina. City Council is the decider here.

Carmel city attorney Don Freeman is sitting in the audience--and smiling. Maybe for the first time ever.

They all keep calling it SEE-mex. I asked Cemex, and it's SEH-mex. Now it's maddening. Like nails on a chalkboard.

Conspicuously absent: Cemex. Has anyone asked them if they would get a permit for these boreholes? I tried and got the runaround.

6:06pm: Marina Mayor Bruce Delgado dares to ask the city's attorney about whether water is a mineral. Let the heckling begin!

OMG. I am not a geologist, but I can confidently state water is NOT a mineral.

Attorney Kathy Jenson, who masterminded this legal argument: "under some definitions, water is considered a mineral."

Kathy Jenson changed course somewhat between the Planning Commission denial and City Council meeting. She laid off the "water is a mineral" bit, focusing more on the premise that if Cemex could drill these holes under current rules, so could a licensee. That led to a lot of speculation about what Cemex actually does out there.

And too bad for Jenson, because indicated last time that this was a carefully prepared legal argument: "The extraction of the water is to determine mineral content of the water.  To me that was the aha moment in kind of banging our heads against the wall on this issue,  and we did bang our heads against the wall on this issue," she told the Planning Commission. 

Let them drink sand. Cemex sand plant uses 504,000 gallons of water a day, Jenson says.

6:20pm: The guy sitting next to me is a hydrogeologist. This just got way more fun.

Martin Feeney is his name. He's a consultant serving on the four-person hydro team. He knows the difference between water and mineral.

Feeney schools Marina City Council on 8th-grade science stuff. Ions, dissolved solids, all that jazz.

And his synopsis, delivered to me via whisper: "I've been practicing hydrogeology 30 years in MoCo and it's never about the science."

6:27pm: Don Freeman is still smiling. He appears genuinely entertained by dysfunction.

Carmel mayor Jason Burnett, sitting next to Freeman, looks like he wants to hibernate. To be fair, he has the flu.

Enviro/attorney Gail Morton was here for Marina Planning Commission vote last week, but not for today's hearing.

6:36pm: They should've just let a scientist do this from the outset and skipped the spending on attorneys. Feeney is the only one who makes sense.

There are so many lawyers in this room, so few scientists. Count em: Don Freeman, Marc Del Piero, Molly Erickson, Deborah Mall, Bill Hood.

Reps from Monterey Bay Aquarium reps are here, sitting in the corner and probably gunning for YES on the boreholes.

I return to the question: Why did no one ask Cemex? Then they wouldn't all have to guess.

The best way to get through a wonky city council meeting: sit next to a hydrogeologist. I accidentally just laughed out loud.

6:51pm: You know the crowd is stressed when they erupt in laughter at dumb lawyer jokes. Double negative! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Attorney Molly Erickson: "point of order!" Mayor Bruce Delgado: "Molly, this is not a court."

Bruce Delgado just made a potty joke. Weirdly poignant, considering part of the water supply plan includes recycling poo water.

And finally, the lawyer’s presentation ended, and each party—Jason Burnett on behalf of the mayors’ group and the Ag Land Trust, which has opposed the bore holes—got 10 minutes to present.

7:04pm: And Jason Burnett is vertical! He appealed on behalf of peninsula mayors; he is really the reason we're here tonight.

City manager is absent. Police chief Eddie Rodriguez is filling in as timer for public comment. Don't go over; the timer has a gun!

The city is prepared to be sued. City Attorney already rewrote indemnification agreement so Cal Am would pay defense costs.

Note: For all the talk of litigation Wednesday night, there’s been no lawsuit. The Ag Land Trust board will discuss possible courses of action at its next board meeting on Monday, but by the the bore holes will have been drilled and sealed.

7:27pm: Molly Erickson's turn to rebut. She is in front of a roomful of haters. And says she's rewritten her whole presentation.

Erickson says this is a shortcut: "A coastal development is absolutely required."

Now Marc Del Piero is delivering a lecture on water rights. Feel the fury! He says Cal Am will "steal" water. Things just got criminal.

Note: Erickson represents Ag Land Trust, which has been persistent in arguing the city's basis for allowing these bore holes to go forward without a permit is illegal. For proof Jenson isn't a big fan of Erickson, look to this comment from the Planning Commission meeting:

"There is a reference to a Jan. 22 conference call I had with Ms. Erickson  It's kind of annoying," Jenson said. "I was out at meetings all day long. I got back to my house at 6:30pm and I had a voicemail from Ms. Erickson saying she absolutely had to talk to me that evening.

"I would have liked to have just kicked back and not kept working , but I figured, I'l pick up the phone and call her. She started grilling me and asking all these questions."

7:41pm: All the Cal Am people are passing notes. This feels more and more like a middle school science class (except for all the lawyers.)

I wish they would just pronounce Cemex correctly. It's a secretive company, but they WILL tell you how to say it.

Don Freeman is still smiling. Jason Burnett looks like he wants to sleep and forget this ever happened.

Even Chief Rodriguez looks like he wishes he could leave. He keeps casting longing gazes out the window toward police station.

Marc Del Piero continues on water rights. He says the borehole might ruin the aquifer. Feeney chimes in: "Send him home.

Then two hours of public comment began, consisting mostly of commentary on the need for a water supply solution for the Monterey Peninsula.

8:17pm: Public comment begins with, you guessed it, another attorney! Tony Lombardo. We have him to blame for this whole Cemex/Cal Am deal.

(Because Lombardo repped Cal Am in lawsuit to get Cal Am access to Cemex property to start with.)

8:23pm: Now begin too many hours of public comment in which everyone tries to guilt Marina into being a team player. Aquarium, Marriott reps start.

8:27pm: Which is saltier: brackish water underneath Marina dunes, or the bottle of Gatorade under Burnett's chair? Only a borehole can tell.

8:40pm: Sarah Hardgrave says the community needs to be better at playing in the sandbox together. Don't think she means the literal Cemex sandbox.

8:41pm: Now we have a definition of "mariner." In the metaphor, the peninsula is the ship, and Marina residents, err, mariners, steer the ship.

Marina resident Jay Fagan says Marina is to peninsula as Jersey is to NYC.#jerseypride

Oh god, now the "mariners" thing is becoming a meme.

8:58pm: Ed Mitchell proposes scrapping this scrappy interpretation debate, and issuing an emergency permit pronto. Delgado says, basically, yes.

I knew he'd be back. Paul Bruno presents a couple of gallon-jugs of water.pic.twitter.com/RRKqWfR3Mr

Meet Jonas Minton, one of the guys responsible for the cease and desist order. He is here from Sacramento. And he's pissed.

9:14pm: Don Freeman status update: he is still smiling.

Jonas Minton of Planning & Conservation League basically says screw the 2-gallons water samples. What about the 2 billion off Carmel River?

9:19pm: Now pro-desal people are strategizing in whispers. Best note to end on: clay layers or snowy plovers? Definitely plovers.

Chamber of Commerce president Jody Hansen has this straight talk for Marina City Council: "You're gonna get sued."

Planning Commissioner Margaret Davis is here speaking to defend their decision.

Don Freeman's smile looks more like a grimace during Margaret Davis comments defending Planning Commission.

Public comment wrapped, and then City Council members discussed briefly before casting their 3-1 vote to allow the bore holes

The best, most awkward part of the night was when Mayor Delgado asked all councilmembers to disclose who called them.

My name was on the list. Disclosure: I am not a lobbyist.

Final note of the night: 3-1 vote to overturn Planning Commission, allow boreholes. I asked Cal Am's Rich Svinland if they'd do it before courthouse opens when inevitable lawsuit lands. Cal Am would, except they need a County Health Dept. permit too.

They got that county permit Thursday, leading us to today, when the drilling happens.