Squidfry 04.21.22: Brand New

BRAND NEW… Squid’s not a fan of zombie fiction, as bipeds rising from the dead are too scary for Squid’s sensitive nature. On that note, Squid learned the same people behind Feast of Lanterns in Pacific Grove, the event that culturally appropriated Chinese culture for decades and was finally canceled in February after intense public pressure, are attempting to establish a new program called Youth Ambassadors of Pacific Grove. Teen ambassadors appear to be replacements for the Feast’s “Royal Court” of princesses, with similar goals of teaching public speaking, leadership and offering scholarships.

Gone are the lanterns: The proposed community festival is called “Pacific Grove Summer Lights.” Which reminds Squid of knock-off Halloween costumes that, for legal reasons, can’t be called what they are, i.e. “Pubescent Frog of Silent War,” to avoid the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ copyright attorneys from suing. The festival, if approved, would take place July 29-30 at Lovers Point, concluding with a laser light show on Saturday night. An organizer tells Squid’s colleague there will be no pageant.

While it’s nice to offer a community gathering and youth program, Squid has doubts. For one, the Feast board offered a weak apology for the previous program’s cultural appropriation, and opponents warned against building on a faulty foundation. Squid’s not sure a new name and laser lights will fix what was dead and buried.

ANTI-UNDERPANTS?… One thing very much still alive is Measure B, a citizen-led initiative in Del Rey Oaks that would preclude any new trails in the city anywhere but Highway 218 (death trap!), Gen. Jim Moore Blvd. (not great!) and South Boundary Road (could be better!).

The initiative is in response to the proposed first segment of Fort Ord Regional Trail and Greenway, which would travel from Safeway, through neighborhoods and parks, and then via an underpass to the Frog Pond, up to Seaside.

The underpass under Highway 218 was originally planned to be a tunnel, and some opponents of the project put up signs reading, in part: “No Tunnel.”

But in a League of Women Voters of Monterey County debate re: FORTAG on April 13, Measure B proponent – and FORTAG opponent – Don Gruber, arguing for the measure, took issue with the tunnel being recently changed by TAMC to be an underpass. In a Powerpoint over Zoom, Gruber said, “We’re all old here in Del Rey Oaks, and we were all trying to imagine how bikes got around the underpants there.” That accompanied a slide – super-imposed under the underpass – with blue (male) underwear with red trim and a Superman logo above the crotch that looked like the Underoos from Squid’s youth.

Squid will just leave that there. Also, bring back Underoos.