Squidfry 01.07.21: A hotel by any other name

A HOTEL BY ANY OTHER NAME… Like any cognizant cephalopod, Squid appreciates that life during a pandemic is stressful. Squid has been told that one way humans deal with stress is by going outdoors and doing “exercise.” To each their own; Squid’s preference for de-stressing is lying supine on the couch.

Squid is not surprised that “workers supporting operations of outdoor recreational facilities for the purpose of facilitating physically distanced personal health and wellness through outdoor exercise” are categorized as essential workers under California’s stay-at-home guidance. Squid is surprised, however, at the very broad interpretation of this clause that is apparently happening. To Squid, “outdoor recreational facilities” brings to mind images of a park or a tennis court. It does not bring to mind the image of a hotel. Even by Squid’s definition, recreational activity is not equipped with feather beds and room service.

And yet, at least one local hotel is using this clause to continue operations. “We have all been under a tremendous amount of stress, including our guests, caused by this pandemic,” Post Ranch Inn leadership wrote in an internal memo. The memo goes on to detail how Post Ranch has “adapted our business practice to focus on stress management and outdoor activities and exercise” by launching a slate of new (paid) services including “forest fitness” and “beauty sleep.” In a lengthy statement, Post Ranch assures Squid that all of this is available to essential travelers only – and note, the spa is closed!

Squid needs some beauty sleep after trying to interpret all this legal judo.

DEPUTIES DAWGED… Squid always looks for the union label when buying undies, and has also considered starting a union exclusively for cephalopods to advance the causes of tentacled-creatures. Alas, the otter lobby was too strong, and Squid’s been relegated to the Mustelid Amalgamated Local 5150.

So Squid feels Squid can relate to a small cohort of Monterey County Sheriff’s Office deputies who are members of the union known as the Deputy Sheriff’s Association. Per a letter on DSA letterhead that landed in Squid’s inbox, several deputies apparently attempted to form a breakaway nation. Now they’ve been ordered by union hierarchy, who organized a “fact-finding commission,” to face trial for the offense of trying to create a separate union and persuading other members to decertify the existing union.

The fact-finding commission has recommended at least one deputy get bounced out of the union forthwith. One “trial” was supposed to take place on Jan. 5. The trial was likely going to be postponed, an interested third party tells Squid’s colleague, because gatherings indoors violate the shelter-in-place order.

That’s Pandemic 1, DSA zero, rogue deputies somewhere in the middle.