Squid Fry 12.24.15: Sand Dollars…

SAND DOLLARS… While humans might be a more highly evolved species, the primitive nature of cephalopods means that Squid is less needy. Food, clothing, shelter? Just food please – preferably shrimp popcorn.

Yet even with their outsized brains, many humans still struggle to provide those three basic needs to their kind.

Squid was conversing with Seaside’s mascot, Pablo the Colombian Seahorse, about how the masters of the planet are causing ocean acidification that’s ruining his coral habitat. Pablo is not an evolutionary generalist like Squid and humans – if he loses his home he dies.

But humans are also more prone to early deaths when their homes are lost, as was the tragic case in Monterey when two homeless men never woke up after a particularly rough night. Monterey City Council challenged other cities to provide one dollar per resident to create a warming shelter and support homeless service providers. Last year Pacific Grove City Council made a similar call, and Monterey, Carmel and Sand City all chipped in.

In the spirit of holidays, Squid challenges Sand City – whose budget, by Squid’s math, expends roughly $19,760 per resident – to step up its game this year and contribute three dollars for every one of its 341 residents. You can do it Sand City. Squid believes.

BEAUTY PAGEANT… Squid is still covertly nibbling on leftover Christmas fruitcake when everyone else starts scheming resolutions about new exercise and health regimens. But Squid has no problem making resolutions for other people.

Like Steve Harvey, who lowered the bar for all of us: Read silently first. In the worst beauty pageant blunder ever, Harvey crowned Miss Colombia as Miss Universe 2015, then realized (oops!) she was actually runner up. “This is exactly what’s on the card. I will take responsibility for this,” Harvey said. “My mistake. Still a great night.” Then comes that awkward moment, when the shimmering crown is plucked from Miss Colombia’s head, and placed on Miss Philippines, the real winner.

Maybe County Supervisor Fernando Armenta took a cue from Harvey when he tried to make reparations for a text message blunder this week. Squid’s not sure who, exactly, the text was meant for, but clearly it wasn’t for the Weekly reporter who it was about – and who received it after playing phone tag with Armenta to schedule a chat: “Interesting she scheduled to interview Luis [Alejo] at 1:30 today. She is not very responsive. Do not trust her.”

Luckily, Squid’s colleagues have thick skin, and waste no time in recommending a low-bar New Year’s resolution to the supervisor, who faces a tough re-election campaign against Alejo and Salinas City Councilman Tony Barrera: Read silently before you text.

Or be ready to send the awkward apology: “Sorry for incorrect text.”