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SMALL TOWN ROMANCE… With World’s Sexiest Predators well into summer reruns, Squid was a little bored last Wednesday night. So Squid slithered over to Salinas Mayor DENNIS DONOHUE’s Town Hall Meeting.

Squid arrived just before the 7pm start, just in time to catch a couple irate citizens storming out of Sherwood Hall, yipping about how “ridiculous” it was that the meeting was opening with a prayer.

So much tension! Squid was excited.

First order of business: Donohue gives a Beautiful Neighborhood speech MR. ROGERS would be proud of, while a couple of SALINAS COPS rough up some teens sitting quietly near the back of the auditorium. Squid was going to go rifle through the stuff the kids were forced to empty out of their pockets to see if they had anything Squid might like, but the profiled teens were escorted out too quickly. Bummer.

By 7:37pm, the mayor was crying through the part of his speech about art. Squid was going to clap, considering the mayor made it a whole 37 minutes without shedding a single tear, but Squid didn’t want to wake Taylor Farms’ muckymuck BRUCE TAYLOR, who was sleeping a few chairs over from Squid. That would ruin Squid’s plan, which involved a warm pan of water and Taylor’s hand. “Leave him alone,” one party-pooper chastised Squid just before the moment of immersion. “He’s been up since 3 conquering the world!”

Just as Squid was going to cuddle up to Taylor for a snooze, Deputy City Manager ROB RUSSELL got up to speak. “Code enforcement is sexy!” Russell announced to the sleepy crowd. “Take it off!” the audience urged.

Squid bolted straight up and searched frantically for dollar bills. By the time Squid found one, Russell was sitting down, fully dressed, and renowned artist/Salinas resident DAVID LIGARE was talking about how the entire city could be better if we only appreciated art more. Squid was nodding in agreement until Ligare decided to wax philosophical about why HARTNELL COLLEGE isn’t world renowned for its art program. “Bad leadership,” Ligare explained. An audible “ouch” resonated through the auditorium, and Squid decided to put Ligare on Squid’s holiday card list.

By 8pm, the 200 or so attendees had broken off into focus groups, and Squid jumped from group to group, tearing up >>a la Donohue over the thoughtful input and ideas from so many who really want to see something more for their community. There were scary ideas: “Everyone hang their medical records on their fridge so we can help out ambulance workers when they come to our houses!” And better ones: “Welcome signs at city entry points!”

No word yet on whether Squid’s generous offer to be Town Mascot has been accepted.