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BACK TO THE FUTURE... Until former Assemblyman Fred Keeley announced (for the 15th time, was it?) that the dam on the Carmel River was dead, and that desalination is the new dam, Squid didn't even know what a desal plant was. Hmm, thought Squid, must be some new fashion trend. As in pink is the new black.

Fast forward to 2003, when desal (Note: It's a water-treatment plant, not a trend) is all the rage, and it's the hot-button issue that divides the six water board candidates on the Nov. 4 ballot. One camp--Zan Henson, Bob Pacelli and Kristi Markey--want a small desal plant in Sand City. Their opponents--Larry Foy, Michelle Knight and Marc Beique--want a bigger one in Moss Landing.

Last week, Henson told the Weekly that the water district will release its draft environmental report on a Sand City plant by the end of the year, "and we're going to have a vote on it by next November." Meanwhile, "Cal-Am hasn't even filed a formal application" to build the Moss Landing desal plant. Which started Squid a-sleuthing: What is the water company's timeline for a project?

According to spokesman Kevin Tilden, in January 2003, Cal-Am will begin an environmental assessment, "that will take 12 to 18 months, and at that point we'll file an application." The initial assessment will put Cal-Am into mid-2005, he continued, and the EIR will take most of 2006. Construction will begin in 2007 and the plant could theoretically be online in 2008.

According to Squid's calculator, err, calculations, that's five years away. As in time for a new water board, elected in November 2007, to be sworn in. What's that saying Foy, Knight and Beique are so fond of, 25 years and still no water supply project...

PINK PANTHER GOES PANTLESS... Sometimes, Squid doesn't even have to try. Humans make themselves such easy targets, it's almost cruel to mock them. But Squid's never been concerned about that, although Squid does always check Squid's facts. So when Squid heard last month that recently retired PG Police Captain Bill Kennedy was rumored to have been seen masturbating in the parking lot of the Crossroads Shopping Center in Carmel, Squid grimaced, chuckled to Squidself, but stayed uncharacteristically silent. Scheduled to go to trial this week, Kennedy instead gave a "no-contest" plea last Thursday, since, according to a Herald interview, his attorney Larry Biegel said that they felt they could "not defend against that charge" of lewd public behavior. Biegel did make the distinction that while definitely exposing himself, Kennedy had not intended for anyone to see him choking the chicken. Ah, sure. Squid always thinks of the parking lot outside of Safeway as the ideal place for spurting some ink. While Kennedy does get kudos from Squid for recently finishing a stay at the Clint Eastwood Recovery Program and now attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, he doesn't get an A-plus for discretion, or, for that matter, detective work. Kennedy was apparently nabbed when he left the scene, driving away in a car with a personalized plate reading, "CLUSEAU."