This is Sooty's world. We just live, dance and drink in it.

An anonymous reader, apparently inspired by my talk about a horny sea otter in last week''s column, sent me a clipping from a paper in Indiana.

Apparently, in an Indiana lab, a small guinea pig named Sooty snuck out of his cage and into another where, unaware of what was about to befall them, 24 females dwelled. Sooty romanced each of them. In the morning, owner Carol Feehan found him still going at it.

"He was absolutely shattered," Feehan told an Indiana reporter. "We put him back in his cage and he slept for two days."

Will the smutty fiend who sent this in please step forward? The email subject line reads, "Aren''t we all jealous?"

Yes, jealousy reigns in the hearts of all men unable to match up to such feats of masculinity. Macho men are running around sandbagging one another, hoping for some rodent-like one-night stands. I think we should thank Sooty for inspiring us all to greater hedonistic trips into the unknown.

Speaking of hedonistic trips--

Rock ''n'' Scream

Tom and Angelina Ayres perform at Blue Fin tomorrow night. Their Old Spice Girls gig hardly lives up to the name. First off, Tom and Angelina aren''t exactly bimbos in tight spandex and secondly, Tom Ayres is a guitar wizard with a rack of effects (as opposed to one of flesh and silicon). Ayres performed at a benefit show just prior to Christmas which left the Long Bar (which was graciously re-opened for the event) in a state of pleasurable unity. His guitar playing switches between the very clinical styles of skiffle to the tube-screaming rock experimentation of Jimi Hendrix. This is a show that no one should miss, and it''s free.

Thrash ''n'' Roots Rocktail

If you survive Friday without being sucked into a wanton orgy of fun, then Saturday at Viva will undoubtedly do you in. Red Light Nightmare and roots-driven Darktown Rounders share the bill once again for an evening of thrash metal and old-time country swing and rock. The differences in musical styles adds to the enjoyment of the evening because hardly any macho men (or macho women for that matter) listen to only one form of music. Hearing both groups perform together is like drinking a cocktail of ether and Southern Comfort. Check it out.

Big, Bald ''on'' Bluesiful

In the last couple years, Junior Watson has been stepping out on his own. But for nearly 30 years before he was a front man, Watson was considered one of the best sidemen in the business. He worked with Rod Piazza and the Mighty Flyers for a 10 years, played with Canned Heat for a while, and did backup and/or recording stints with Big Mama Thorton, Jimmy Rogers, Luther Tucker, Charlie Musselwhite, Kim Wilson and William Clarke, to name a few. A writer for the Los Angeles Times suggested he was the best blues guitarist now working. (OK. Take that for what it''s worth. The Times writers are notably hyperbolic. Watson is good, really good. But the best? Hmmmmm....) See for yourself.

Where the Girls Aren''t

Another possible place for a real macho man to go on Wednesday is Club Octane. The dance club will now host "Guys Night Out" on a regular basis. This is to make up for all the "Ladies Nights" in town. (Think of it as "equal rights, equal nights.") It is a night of beer, babes, B-movies, and "South Park." If it becomes too much of a pickle party I''m sure there is a back-up plan to bring in some feminine ambiance. Perhaps Sooty will make an appearance-all the ladies love a good guinea pig. The cover is free for all men and thus probably free for any ladies brave enough to dance with them.

Another thing to note about Octane is that DJ Lex is now spinning on BTU 101.7 every Fridays from 10-11pm. Online radio broadcasts of his show as well as some pretty provocative video clips of many previous engagements, can be found on the Octane Website at www.cluboctane.com.

Lastly I would advise you to go see Madonna''s husband''s new movie, Snatch, which is being promoted by AOL and every major marketing company in the world. It is proof, once again, that anyone can be as deviant as Sooty by pasting sexual words all over billboards, advertisements, and email. It is a testament not only to the macho power of our satisfied little Sooty, but to the 24 lovely females who seduced him.

Until next week, keep yourself safe and your Sooty safer.