What does it take to stay together for decades? We asked three couples to share their insights.

Today it’s easy to swipe right or left and move through romantic partners in rapid succession.

Maybe there’s some wisdom to glean from couples who haven’t jumped around – they found each other and stuck together. The Weekly asked three couples who have been together for at least 30 years how they make it work.

Harold and Joyce Gordon

Salinas | Married in 1951

When Joyce Gordon first met her husband of 67 years, she didn’t speak his language.

They also lived far apart in 1947, when Joyce was in Chicago. Her grandfather was a friend of one of Harold’s uncles from back in Russia, and they remained friends after both families immigrated to the U.S., even after the Gordons relocated to Los Angeles. “Every so often, my mother would take my sister and me to visit relatives in Los Angeles, and we would always visit with Harold’s uncle,” Joyce recalls.

So it was that 13-year-old Joyce met 17-year-old Harold in his uncle’s living room. He was new to the U.S., after surviving 5-and-a-half years in Auschwitz concentration camp, starting at age 10. He knew four languages – Yiddish, Polish, Russian and German – but he hadn’t yet learned English. English was Joyce’s only language.

Joyce’s mother became the translator: “Whatever he wanted to say, he had to tell my mother.” Through Joyce’s mother, Harold asked to take Joyce for a walk. She nodded.

“We couldn’t speak to each other, so we just walked,” he remembers. All the women in the house followed the teenagers around the block.

“So again I turned to her mother and asked, ‘Can I hold her hand?’” Harold says. Joyce nodded again.

Weekly: What did you first like about the other person?

Joyce: He seemed so much more worldly. To this day, he’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I went back to the hotel room with my mother that first night and told her I wanted to marry him.

Harold: She had a wonderful personality. She still has a wonderful personality. She’s always smiling.

What keeps you in love?

Harold: We do for each other what needs to be done.

Joyce: My dad said to me once, “It’s not just between you and him – you brought children into the world and you don’t want to let them go by the wayside.”

Harold survived one of the worst atrocities in history. How do you work through trauma like the Holocaust in a relationship?

Joyce: I’ve always listened when he wanted to talk about it. I have always just held space for him.

JT Mason and Gretchen Hausmann

Carmel | Together since 1984, married in 2008

It starts like any good rom-com stereotype of a summer fling – which is all JT Mason and Gretchen Hausmann thought they were signing up for when they met at Monterey Peninsula College in 1984. Mason was applying for a job to organize softball tournaments there, and Hausmann was the coach.

Both women were just coming out of other relationships. “I liked her,” Mason recalls. “But quite frankly I thought we were going to be more of a summer fling, because we’re very different.”

Those differences ran deeper than preferences or personality types. Mason was publicly out as a lesbian and actively fighting for rights for the LGBTQ+ community; because she worried it could affect her work as a coach, Hausmann wasn’t out publicly.

But attraction took over: “Finally, we just said screw it,” Mason says.

After 14 years together, the couple adopted a daughter in 1998. Marriage hadn’t been a priority for Mason and Hausmann, but when same-sex marriage became legal in California, their then-10-year-old daughter wanted her mothers to get married.

“It was important to her,” Mason says. “Then the more we talked about it, the more it got important to us.”

Their daughter is now a college student living away from home, but the couple remains together – now married for 11 years – and keeps a full house with three dogs, six cats and six chickens.

Weekly: What did you first like about the other person?

Hausmann: Her smile.

Mason: She is very present when talking, and engaging. She was reticent at the beginning because she was still closeted, but has since opened up.

What keeps you in love?

Mason: We laugh a lot. She thinks I’m funny, and that’s important to me. We’re both from the Midwest and have similar family values.

Tell me about planning a wedding after so many years together.

Mason: We wanted to keep it small, but my brothers insisted on coming and celebrating acceptance of all love with us. It was wonderful – both for us, and to celebrate same-sex marriages.

Mel and Regina Mason

Seaside | Married since 1987

Mel and Regina Mason both have been in the news over the years for their political involvement and activism, and it was already happening when they first started dating in the early ’80s. He was on Seaside City Council, and in 1984 ran for president of the United States. He hit the campaign trail and they took a break, but got back together – and stayed together – when he returned after Ronald Reagan won. The Seaside natives went on to co-found a nonprofit, The Village Project.

Weekly: What did you first like about each other?

Regina: He was extremely well-read, and had this beautiful look that was distinguished and intelligent.

Mel: The first time I saw her, I lost my breath. She is still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She was independent and strong and I found that incredibly attractive.

What keeps you in love?

Mel: We have an incredible amount of things in common. We are both social workers and believe in community activism, but the big thing that has kept us together all these years is that we’re partners.

Regina: We’re equals and we respect each other, and we are still totally in love with each other.