Online dating for the over-50 crowd is not for the faint of heart.

Editor’s Note: These recent posts by @fiftyishdater come from the Twitter feed of a middle-aged Monterey County woman looking for men to date. She asked for her real name not to be published.

The Midlife Crisis

Dear #middleagedmen: I’m not getting on your motorcycle. Stop with the photos of you on your motorcycle, or worse, just the motorcycle.

Something’s Fishy

“Holding up a fish in his photo makes him look really sexy,” says no woman ever.

A new variation on the online dating site fish photo: holding up fish while simultaneously sipping beer. #nothanks #swipeleft

Oh Andy, no. First profile pic looks like you’re sick in bed. Last one is with a string of fish. Profile begins, “Tired of being alone.” I predict you will continue to be alone. #SoSorry

Killer Photos

I’m continuously baffled by why men pick the photos they do on dating sites. Most unsettling is the guy looking down at the camera below. Makes him look like a serial killer. Every time. #datingonline #leftswipe #nodice

Seen today on @Tinder: nice enough looking gentleman, except for full-length black leather coat. Second photo is of a brown, windowless van from 1960s, looks like one used by pedophiles or serial killers. #swipeleft

This guy looks interesting. Oh wait, dressed in camo holding rifle. #swipeleft

Kurt wants Zero BS!!!!! Wants you to know he’s a NRA member. Well there’s some BS right there Kurt.

Hocus Pocus

Matched with a guy on @Tinder who said in profile he works sometimes as a stand-up comedian and magician. When I messaged him he comes back with, “I’ll perform a magic trick with you in bed.” How many times has he tried that line? Does it ever work? #commenceeyerollingsequence

The Honest Guy

I messaged a 50-something guy on a dating site. He tells me: “I like a more slender woman. Just being honest.” #jerk

Code Words

“Must take care of yourself” code for “no fat chicks” and really means you must be thin.

Learning Experience

My use of @urbandictionary is up 1000% since joining online dating sites. So much to learn.

Good Advice

To say you’re a sapiophile is just pretentious. Avoid at all costs.

Men, stop with the “I like massage” or “I give good massages.” Not a turn on. Also not a turn on: any mention of tantric anything.

Maybe it’s just me but the male armpit shot (arm over head armpit next to face) is not sexy. Also don’t care for the lying in bed selfie or bed in background pic.

Dear middle-aged men who pose for dating profiles dressed like they’re 19 (backward baseball cap, shorts, T-shirt): No. #swipeleft

The Other Women

If I asked your wife or girlfriend if you are in an ethically non-monogamous relationship, what would she say?

Such a Scam

“I will like to communicate with you on the email.”

What are you trying to say?

Spotted on @Tinder today: man’s profile photo is of Hillary Clinton’s book draped over the toilet paper holder. #swipeleft

“Please remember this is @Tinder! Not looking for a wife. Got it. #andthatsallhewrote

Guy’s @Tinder handle is “Pee.” Next! #swipeleft

“BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE LADIES!! BE SINGLE!! HAVE A JOB!!” Someone is frustrated.

Guy on @Tinder profile says he’d like to meet at a bar for drinks and hors d’oeuvres, then puts “appetizers” in parenthesis, then at the end states he has so much to say but not enough room. You gave up 26 characters to explain bar food.

“I am a very open person,” says the guy whose back is to the camera.

Patrick, why are you flipping me off in your profile photo? What did I ever do to you?

Just spied Patrick on different dating app. No flip off photo, but he ends with “P.S. Y’all ladies are flaking pretty bad.” #itsyounotus