Kicking the tires of the top events in town this week, with an eye to the heavens.

Aug. 14, in addition to daily mass in the Blessed Sacrament Chapel at the Carmel Mission, there will be a very different type of service, with worshippers who are every bit as devoted.

As part of a charity event benefiting the local chapter of the Knights of Columbus and their selected charities – I-Help, Junipero Serra School, the Carmel Mission restoration – there will be a “Blessing of the Cars” during Car Week’s Carmel Mission Concours, in addition to auto viewing, complimentary wine tasting, and R.G. Burger-munching.

While some may come to see the 1914 Model T Speedster race car or the 1951 Bentley owned by Cary Grant, the real star of the show will be the benediction conducted by Bishop Richard Garcia of the Diocese of Monterey, with holy water and holy values to boot.

The way Frank De Paolo, a Knight of Columbus who helped put together the event, sees it, while we bless the cars, the cars also bless us.

“All these things are a blessing from God,” he says. “Here we are using material things to raise money for a charitable cause. They’re not just beautiful works of art to stroke your ego.”

And raising money for charity isn’t the only thing cars do for humanity. While done in good fun, the “Blessing of the Cars,” intentionally or not, cuts pretty deep.

It brings to light the elephant – or Viper or Mustang or Barracuda – in the room: Cars are imperfect, in need of a bit of divine help, just like their creators.

To wit: The Paganis and Lamborghinis dotting Monterey County this Car Week, while beautiful bedroom-poster assaults on geometry and speed limits, cost six or seven figures – and that’s before contending with costs conjured by toxic emissions and mileage often stuck in the teens. Those riding inside the early custom-coach Duesenbergs and Lincolns are blessed by Louvre-ready lines, but in the case of an accident they’re about as safe as smokers in a fireworks shop.

In creating these fantastic machines, mortal engineers make tradeoffs – speed over safety, luxury over accessibility – that highlight our inner desires and innate shortcomings. We’ve designed cars that light fires in the hearts of many, and faulty ones that just light on fire. This balance between sacred and sinful – holy ghost that’s awesome and holy s*** that’s awful – will guide the Weekly’s 2013 Car Week preview, as we highlight some of the blessings and curses of the notable rides at the best events heading our way.

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Gordon McCall Motorworks Revival

5pm Wednesday (Aug. 14), Monterey Jet Center, $325

Blessing: A glimpse at the past and future of automotive – and aeronautical – design

The Revival provides antique motorized wonders like those in Aston Martin’s centennial display alongside ultramodern supercars and private jets showcasing the sleek forefront of design – so if you’re wondering what Michael Schumacher’s great grandchildren will be racing, the open-wheeled, road-going spaceship known as the BAC Mono, one of the starts at this year’s Revival, is as good a preview as any. This feisty featherweight is packed with performance and style, with a mind-boggling 2.8-second 0-60 time and a carbon fiber origami of bodywork. Joining the Mono will be Italian ultracar aficionados Pagani and their latest creation. Though no specifics have been released, their most recent masterpiece, the ferocious-looking Huayra, a long, low, 231 mph ultra car that earns its suitably mythic name – God of Winds in Quechua – would fit the bill nicely. If a glimpse into the space-time continuum isn’t enough, there will also be big draws, including fine food and wine from Cal Stamenov and Bernardus, plus a fleet of historic warplanes like the rare Curtiss P-40C Tomahawk fighter.

Curse: Passenger comfort not included

Living up to its name, the Mono only has one seat, so it looks like Jimmy will have to find another ride to soccer practice. The Huayra, meanwhile, might do well to include earplugs in its $1.5 million price tag, as it brings with it a love-or-hate cacophony of turbo whine from its Mercedes-Benz AMG V12 engine.

Concorso Italiano

9am Friday (Aug. 16), Laguna Seca Golf Ranch, $150

Blessing: Extremely rare Italian-built GT classics

This year marks Lamborghini’s 50th anniversary, and the supercar-maker is celebrating in style at the Concorso, assembling one of every single model Lambo ever produced at the Laguna Seca Golf Ranch. Among the tarmac-munching tauruses will be a rare Lamborghini 350 GT, the first model the marque ever made. The small yet beloved carmaker Apollo is also celebrating the big five-oh, bringing some ’60s GT legends of its own, including the beautifully understated Apollo 5000GT.

Curse: They aren’t really Italian

That characteristic flair and impeccable style? It isn’t completely Italian, so all you Mediterranophiles should head elsewhere if you want some authentic auto italiane. These days, Italian heartthrobs Lamborghini and Ducati are owned by suburban overlords Volkswagen, of all companies, and Apollos were finished in Oakland.

Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion

7am Friday-Sunday (Aug. 16-18), Mazda Laguna Seca Raceway, $130

Blessing: Epic classics that actually race

With upwards of 500 cars from across all periods of racing history, the Motorsports Reunion has a little something for every type of car enthusiast. This broad appeal can be seen in their racing exhibition (luckily for you, it’s stationary, not whizzing by at 110 mph) for featured marque Corvette. There are vintage beauts like the 1968 Owen Corning Corvette, the most victorious in the company’s racing history, joined by modern marvels like the 2011 Corvette C6R Le Mans Winner, as well as each racer’s street-going equivalent.

Curse: Ice-cap melt

That throaty rumble each time the 1966 Shelby GT350 thunders by? That’s the sound of a beefy 306hp V-8 consuming buckets of fossil fuels at a kale-wilting 13 mpg. The story goes the same for the rest of the pack: high adrenaline, but high emissions and low mpg. The place is already hot enough without global warming, and all the umbrella girls in the world won’t matter when the place is flooded with rising seas.

Mecum Auctions

10am Thursday-Saturday (Aug. 15-17), Hyatt Regency Monterey Hotel and Spa, $100

Blessing: Formerly wrecked Ferraris and Porsches

The year was 1953. Porsche was in a bind. With stiff competition from Jaguar and Mercedes, they could no longer longer simply race versions of their production cars against their purpose-built opposition on the circuits of Europe. It was time to build a pure racer, and that’s where the 1955 Porsche 550/1500 RS Spyder came in. Now the grandaddy of many a Porsche is the featured lot at Mecum’s 2013 Monterey auction. Also look out for one of the (intact) 1963 Ferrari Modena Spyder Californias used in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Curse: Just hope you don’t wreck ‘em

If one of these puppies ever breaks down, as cars from a half decade ago do, don’t expect any quick repairs. Fixing an old Porsche would be painful enough, what with quick-accelerating prices and wait times for rare replacement parts, but a custom built racer – that’s on a whole other level. The same can be said of a Ferrari, as only three local shops specialize in fixing them.

RM Auction

6:30pm Friday-Saturday (Aug. 16-17), Portola Hotel & Spa and Monterey Conference Center, $50-$300

Blessing: Recession-proof excitement for all gearheads

RM’s 2013 Monterey lineup has some serious variety. There’s everything from Italian rarities – including one of 10 existing Ferrari N.A.R.T. Spiders – to German racers like the 1986 Porsche 962 Race Car. Joining them are Duesenbergs, DB4s, D-types, luxury and Le Mans racers. The only thing this auction doesn’t seem to have is any limits. That said, this smorgasbord comes at no cost – in a way – as walking the perimeter of Custom House Plaza and checking out the rides is free. One thing that’ll stand out from the broad pack: the strong showing of Italian legends. The 2013 roster features rare Ferraris, Maseratis and Alfas.

Curse: Excluding the patriotic

RM’s selection might have a wide variety of cars, but their list seems to exclude cars from a certain Big Mac-eating, freedom-loving, rifle-shooting North American nation. That’s right, aside from a few scattered Fords and Shelbys, RM is all German, British and Italian makes.

The Quail: A Motorsports Gathering

Friday (Aug. 16), Quail Lodge & Golf Course, email thequail@quaillodge.com to register for ticket lottery

Blessing: Ferraris, Porsches and Alfas in a supreme setting

For those looking to trace the roots of these manufacturers, there’s nothing like starting from the very beginning. The Quail features a few notable firsts: a 1950 Ferrari 166 Inter Berlinetta, Ferrari’s first road car, prized pre-war Alfa Romeos, as well as a 1964 Porsche 911, from the first year these sporty cruisers rolled out of Stuttgart, plus others. But that’s only one reason the event continues to sell out and was awarded the sought-after Louis Vuitton Classic Concours Award. Other draws include the six gourmet food pavilions representing Hong Kong, Argentina, Italy, France, Carmel Valley and Morocco, the 16th Annual Bonahms Motorcar Auction held in conjunction with The Quail, and a history of famed guest speakers.

Curse: A supremely extravagant one, that is

If you consider yourself a proud member of the 99 percent, this might not be the place for you. This year’s garden party setting, Land Rover test drives and fine wines might throw off the thrifty, but the event’s legacy of luxury might be even worse. For instance, a past iteration featured test drives of the uneconomical Porsche Panamera, a $75,000 station wagon, while another highlighted the gathering of 10 Bugatti Veyrons, worth a peasant-crushing $2.5 mil apiece.

Concours D’LeMons

10am Saturday (Aug. 17), Laguna Grande Park, free

Blessing: Adds some zest to the fancy Car Week formula

Don’t be fooled by the Concours in the name. This event is a far cry from the rest of its Car Week companions. First of all, it’s free. Second, its aim is “celebrating the oddball, mundane, and truly awful of the automotive world.” Instead of Best in Show or Best in Class, lemons duke it out to win cheeky titles like the Unmitigated Gaul, Rust Belt American Junk or Ass-Engine Sled titles. Alan Galbraith, who calls himself chief perpetrator of the event, adds that bribing judges is roundly encouraged. But that may not even be necessary with classic lemons like an ’83 Nissan 200SX, Japan’s horizontal refrigerator-looking answer to the ugly Chrysler, or others like the pimptastic 1981 purple and gold Grand Marquis. Plus they plan on having cars that anyone can stomach: food trucks.

Curse: Immediate health risks

Galbraith says winning this event might lower the value of your car. Also, few events on the Peninsula carry this level of tetanus risk from rusty tailpipes.

Russo and Steele’s Sports and Muscle Monterey Auction

10am Thursday-Saturday (Aug. 15-17), On the Waterfront by Fisherman’s Wharf 290 Figueroa St., $20

Blessing: Track-ready racers, one bid away

There is a certain mystique that comes with owning a car designed for the track: limits have been removed, features made much more hardcore, performance demands are less forgiving. For those looking to go big – and bid big – or go home, there is, in addition to other muscle and sports options, a bevy of racecars at Russo and Steele’s Monterey auction. Italian legends Bizzarini bring both the swoopy, romantic 1966 Le Mans Roadster and open-wheeled sprinting 1965 Hillclimb/F1 Monoposto, while the 1962 Shelby Cobra CSX2012 Independent Comp Roadster holds it down for the U.S. of A.

Curse: They’ll never be road-ready

Presumably, those willing to spend an island nation’s GDP on a car want to drive it. But unless you are willing to shell out big bucks for track days, many racers aren’t street legal. And you might miss traction control when you accidentally pop a powerslide at 30mph.

Gooding and Company Sports and Racing Cars Monterey Auction

9am Saturday-Sunday (Aug. 17-18), Pebble Beach Equestrian Center, $40

Blessing: Great cars with even greater stories

What’s a fine car without a fine story? Well, it might as well be a fancy golf cart. Luckily, Gooding & Co., the official auction house of the Concours d’Elegance, is rolling out many narrative-rich rides. Take the 1965 Ferrari 500 Superfast. When Enzo Ferrari, the legendary Ferrari founder, wanted to do a little something extra for his best customers, he didn’t knock down prices or give early previews; he had 36 of these 400hp, V12 monsters specially built. There’ll also be a 1948 Alfa Romeo 6C 2500 Competizione, one of the famed “Sleeping Beauties,” rare post-war European luxury cars discovered withering away in a French farmhouse.

Curse: Better stories mean better competition

The combination of rarity and human intrigue exhibited by the aforementioned cars means competition at the auction block will be even stiffer than normal. Sleeping Beauties and Superfasts don’t come along every day, and the Gooding faithful aren’t afraid to drop big dollars. Their March auction tallied $28 million in sales, with 69 of 71 models being sold. Needless to say, there’ll be no easy buys this time around.

Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance

10:30am Sunday (Aug. 18), Pebble Beach Golf Links, $225

Blessing: Customs, customs, customs

This year, the one-of-a-kind Concours is all about one-of-a-kinders, including early, custom-bodied Lincolns – including the the L Judkins Coaching Brougham and the Lincoln Continental MK II, to name a few – each built to the customer’s specifications, with details like disappearing tops, fastback styling and chrome fenders. The theme of rare flair continues with early prototypes, like the final Porsche 901s that lead to the 911s and a prototype Lamborghini Miura which pioneered the modern supercar. Not to be outdone, perhaps the most out-of-this-world rare vehicle at the Concours is the 1950 Lincoln Dietrich Convertible Presidential Limousine, which carries the rare distinction of being graced by both Eisenhower and Truman’s presidential asses.

Curse: Champagne can be dangerous

It’s not like one can just go and buy replacement mirrors for the ’76 911 Carrera RSR Turbo Prototype, one of many prototypes at the event, nor can one simply go to the dealership and buy another fender for a custom-body BMW 507. So for God’s sake, lay off the bubbly and be careful around these beauts.