Squidfry: Naughty and Nice

NAUGHTY AND NICE… Squid spends most of the year offering up unsolicited advice to everyone else. So it always feels confusing to do some self-reflection and contemplate New Year’s resolutions. Should Squid eat more shrimp-flavored popcorn, or less? Should Squid spend more time watching public meetings stream live on Access Monterey Peninsula, or get Squid’s butt off the couch walking Rosco P. Coltrane? Squid doesn’t know which decisions will be more likely to earn Squid a lump of coal or a treat in Squid’s stocking come 2019. But that doesn’t stop Squid from picking out presents for everyone else.

For the Fort Ord Reuse Authority, Squid gives a scenic sunset with puffy clouds. The agency is, after all, supposed to sunset – unless, against Squid’s better judgement, the powers-that-be (cough, State Sen. Bill Monning) put FORA on life support and extend it yet again.

For Salinas City Council, Squid gives the optimistic gift of unanimity; even on undisputed issues like a needed homeless shelter, Councilman Tony Barrera dissented. For Greenfield City Council, Squid gives a nice big insurance policy wrapped in a bow. They’ll need it to resolve a big stack of lawsuits of their own making (including one they filed – and lost – against theWeekly).

As new post-election reality sets in, Squid gives former Carmel mayor Steve Dallas a hobby to fill his newfound free time that doesn’t involve lurking around the post office. For California American Water, a desalination plant – if they get through a couple of lawsuits and build that thing, the water utility will be worth a bucket-load more when they go to court for eminent domain proceedings.

For outgoing Del Rey Oaks Mayor Jerry Edelen, a lifetime supply of Combat protein powder – his go-to breakfast staple – so he can stay fit in case the city’s war on squirrels continues.

For Monterey Peninsula College, a new superintendent with listening skills – and for new trustees Yuri Anderson and Natalia Molina, assorted stress balls; it looks to Squid like the old guard is going to keep a 3-2 voting block. For Seaside City Council, an olive branch; they could use some peace. For a city on the upswing, the past months of political divisiveness and bitterness can become history, or a persistent thorn – Squid hopes it’s the former.

To Pacific Grove’s short-term rental owners who lost when Measure M passed, Squid gives the gift of long-term renters. For new Mayor Bill Peake, a backbone – Squid hopes he will not cave to NIMBY arguments, like those against a recent cell tower project.

It calls to mind some political wisdom Squid remembers: “A representative owes the people not only his industry, but his judgment, and he betrays them if he sacrifices it to their opinion.” Squid can’t remember who said that. Squid got it from a Broadway musical.