SQUIDFRY 12.19.19: Merry Squid-mas

MERRY SQUID-MAS… Squid was busy decorating Squid’s Festivus rosemary bush when Squid realized: The holidays are all about giving. Instead of beautifying the lair, Squid should be generous. So Squid decided to go shopping and get presents for a few folks.

For Monterey residents who live near Monterey High School, which is pitching construction of new stadium lights, blackout blinds – neighbors first opposed the project because they wanted an environmental analysis. Now they oppose the costly analysis. Blinds are a cheaper alternative.

Speaking of cheap alternatives, Squid gifts noise-canceling headphones to Pacific Grove neighbors of the Morris Dill Tennis Courts, where a more popular (and louder) game has taken hold: pickleball. That’s gotta be way cheaper than blowing $30,000 for an unproven sound barrier. Plus Squid will throw in headphones for the rest of us so we don’t have to listen to the squabbling.

For Salinas developer Gerry Kehoe, a winning lottery ticket so he can buy the Bruhn Buildingback from the city after they take it in receivership action – and charge him for the privilege. For Salinas City Councilmember (and county supervisor candidate) Steve McShane, the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Recovering Republican – a 12-step program for greening up your cynical candidacy.

For U.S. Rep. Jimmy Panetta, D-Carmel Valley, Squid is giving a word-of-the-day calendar for 2020 so he can expand his vocabulary, since there’s only three things Panetta mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb and “bipartisan.”

A tug of war rope is for the members of Marina City Council who drew some bizarre district lines splitting the Dunes neighborhood, just before the first-ever district elections happen in Marina in 2020. Whoever wins gets to represent the neighborhood. For South County residents and business owners, solar panels – just in case PG&E decides to shut off the power again because of a perceived wildfire threat that is definitely not there.

For every resident of Monterey, a bicycle – that way they can use the Bike Path to Nowhere onNorth Fremont Street. (In Squid’s budget-conscious shopping, it’s cheaper than the $9.1 million project.)

For KSBW, a bullshit detector so when they’re interviewing County Supervisor Luis Alejo aboutTrader Joe’s coming to Salinas, they can realize he has no idea what he’s talking about and that just because he wants something doesn’t mean he can have it. (Squid would put a Trader Joe’s for Salinas on Squid’s gift list, but even Squid has limits.)

Back to the Christmas theme, Squid gives a production of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carolto Sunset Cultural Center, Inc. to remind them of the transformative power of charity in its treatment of the Forest Theater Guild.

And for Squid? Squid just hopes for an endless supply of ink and good WiFi to stream public meetings in 2020.