BRACE FOR IMPACT… When Squid looked at the calendar on Tuesday morning, Squid was slightly surprised to see it was already Nov. 3 – it feels to Squid more like the 273rd of March. But an entire season has come and gone, and Squid oozed down to Squid’s polling place to vote, and also reflect on the weirdness of these times.
It’s not just campaign mail that has been piling up lately, it’s all kinds of weird health offers – maybe they know that Squid bought a Peloton, but it’s mostly been collecting dust while Squid doomscrolls through Twitter and munches on shrimp-flavored popcorn.
The folks behind The Skin Genome Project offered guidance on “how to remove dark spots caused by pimples” must’ve not know Squid has perfect, translucent skin. Then an email arrived from ImLive, “an adult company” that makes lube. (Squid, being naturally adept at navigating Squid’s aquatic habitat, requires no lube, thank you.) Anticipating civil unrest and/or celebration, ImLive sent an Election Day e-blast about the probability that people will be in the streets and climbing up street poles. They were offering 220 gallons of lube to police departments in Los Angeles and New York to make street poles unclimbable, “to thwart any attempts at scaling these erect structures.” Hehe.
Fun fact: Thanks to Squid’s tentacled skills, Squid would have no problem climbing even a generously lubricated street pole.
GO CLUCK YOURSELVES… There have been so many empty promises this election season. Salinas mayoral candidate Mike Lipe, dressed as Uncle Sam, was out on the corner of Blanco and Main on Election Day Eve, pledging to end homelessness. Maybe he’d taken a cue from Steve McShane, the Salinas councilmember seeking the District 4 county supervisor seat, who’d sent mailers promising he would not only end homelessness if elected (something he has not done, Squid notes, during his tenure on Salinas City Council), he would also end Covid-19.
One simple promise Squid longs for: fresh eggs. Why is it that in 2020 we haven’t resolved the matter of legally raising hens in the city of Salinas, but candidates for office can parade around making stuff up?
Finally, Salinas City Council considered a chicken-keeping ordinance on the night of Nov. 3, when most people might’ve been preoccupied with, um, some election somewhere. But Squid was delighted to receive an invitation to join an elite, nonpartisan group called Salinas Urban Chicken Keepers, or SUCK.
Their motto? SUCKLE, for Salinas Urban Chicken Keepers Legally Emerge. So Squid was doubly disappointed to learn that keeping chickens is just as controversial as, well, everything these days. The ordinance failed. There will be no promises fulfilled for Squid, not even a nice fluffy omelette.
(2) comments
Hi Squid,
About the Chickens in Salinas. I would have to say that one of the reasons not to permit it is that too many People especially in my neighborhood at least, can't seen to stop dumping yard waste, Animal waste, and everything else they don't want anymore into the water ways that flow to the Salinas River and right into the sea where you live . In case you were wondering why there seems to more pollution than normal lately , take a stroll up stream and you will see. Chicken waist is not good for the Marine life Sanctuary nor is Mattresses, old tires or shopping carts. But residents keep them coming. Why? well, lack of evolving along with the Cities waste management services adopting a collection method that requires the least amount of effort possible. There is too much trash and no place to put it.. Chickens make a lot of noise and that's another thing we have too much of. The third reason is that people in Salinas are never satisfied. If you allow Chickens , it will lead to goats, pigs, and who knows what else . City Residential areas are not the place for farm animals , Dog Fights, Fireworks , street racing, or live backyard bands.
Oh now Squidly, You won't have to be denied your omelette. There are still plenty of eggs at the Super Market , and they don't cost much . Perhaps the Suck Squad could buy a farm together and raise all the chickens they want. A farm or ranch in the country would be the customary place to raise Chickens and let them roam free the way they were meant too. They would have to be locked in cages in the City and they haven't committed any crime.
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