Squidfry 08.26.21: Doobie Brother

DOOBIE BROTHER… Squid remembers the disappointments endured by the Monterey Bay Submarine Commune over the years, including ongoing efforts by purple sea urchins to gentrify the giant kelp forests and ruin the commune’s neighborhood character.

Few disappointments have been as great as when Netflix removed NBC’s The Office from its lineup. Squid was most entertained by Michael Scott’s tone-deaf leadership style and his affinity for botched proverbs: “You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice, strike three.”

The commune has no plans to pay for NBC’s Peacock streaming service. No worries, though, since it can get its Michael Scott-isms from Monterey City Councilmember Ed Smith and his stubbornness around retail cannabis policy.

Smith says his objection to cannabis is cemented in his “moral fiber.” So, the former cop is has taken on the role of 1990s gym teacher in warning everyone that pot is a gateway drug that could ruin Monterey.

Before Smith cast the lone no vote on allowing retail cannabis, he left us with a marquee Michael Scott moment. “Take seriously the position of where [these dispensaries] are going to be because once one is there, as they say, the camel’s got its nose in the tent and it will be there for a long, long time.”

Squid invites the camel to the Commune.

DEAD END… Braving the shoulder along Highway 218, cars and trucks whipping by, Squid oozed down to the Del Rey Oaks City Council meeting Aug. 25. There consultants for the Transportation Agency for Monterey County delivered a presentation on the feasibility of rerouting the first segment of the Fort Ord Recreation Trail and Greenway (FORTAG) onto Highway 218, instead of the already approved and grant-funded route. (The approved route is being challenged by a potential ballot initiative.) The approved plan also includes a tunnel under the highway to connect to the Frog Pond Wetland Preserve and Carlton Drive.

But it turns out, putting the route on the highway – if Caltrans agrees to it, which it won’t – would cost at least $10 million more, and is not funded by any grants. It would also involve shutting down the road for long periods to widen it, building retaining walls, building a separated bikeway with barriers, cutting down more than 160 trees, and, get this: The small, cash-strapped city would also have to fund stormwater management and maintenance on the widened road, which it certainly cannot afford.

Yet, many public speakers supported the alternative anyways, which is another way of saying they don’t support FORTAG. They’re just looking for cover.

Hopefully they’ll find it someday soon in a tunnel under Highway 218.