SQUIDFRY 06.03.21: Tentacles Equal Dollars

TENTACLES EQUAL DOLLARS… Squid normally spends vast amounts of time sheltering in place, preferring the solitude of the lair to hanging out with ape-like bipeds whose biggest claims to fame are opposable thumbs and causing climate change. But while Squid was sorting through documents in advance of writing Squid’s memoirs (working title: A Cephalopod’s Struggle, Volumes I-VII) Squid came across a treasure: the manuscript for a talk Squid planned to give at a 2009 TED (Tilefish, Eels and Dugong) conference, where underwater thought leaders gathered to show off their Teslas, prey on young fish and microdose on LSD while yammering about cryptocurrency.

Squid was excited to hear that after a long absence, TED was returning to Monterey, only it turned out not to be the fish-centric conference of Squid’s youth. The “real” TED – for Technology, Entertainment and Design – is coming back to Monterey in August, with the theme of “A Case for Optimism” so thought leaders can show off their Teslas, prey on young women (#JeffreyEpsteinLovedTED) and microdose on LSD while yammering about cryptocurrency.

Since cephalopods can’t technically speak at the human TED, Squid planned to snag a ticket and immerse Squidself in TED’s rich pageant. That’s when two massive problems arose. First, neither mere mortals nor gelatinous underwater beings can buy a ticket. It’s invite only. And should you be lucky enough to snag an invite, you’ll be asked to fork over $12,000 (dollars, not clams) for the privilege. (The privilege of listening to a bunch of entitled tech bros talk about optimism just as the country is coming out of a pandemic.)

Squid is happy the Monterey Conference Center is getting some action, at least. The event is taking place there, sans Epstein, who is dead and thus couldn’t buy a ticket if he wanted to.

RUNNETH OVER… Squid enjoys a leisurely stroll with Squid’s trusty bulldog, Rosco P. Coltrane, now and again. A few times, Squid and Rosco have checked out the campus of Monterey Peninsula College, quiet during the pandemic. Eerily quiet, except for the sound of running water. Squid and Rosco walked up to the pool to get a better look – it seems someone had just gone for a swim, splashing water everywhere. But on zero occasions did Squid see a swimmer.

It turns out the cause, after oh, about a year and then a citizen complaint and investigation by Monterey Peninsula Water Management District, is just a faulty valve.

The pool’s been shut down while MPC staff await a replacement part and they will hand-fill the pool as needed in the meantime. But it all leaves Squid wondering about Measure V, the $230 million facilities bond for MPC that voters approved last year – not a drop left for the pool fund?