SQUIDFRY 05.26.16: Horror-gami…

HORROR-GAMI… Squid keeps a crash pad in Salinas for nights when meetings go late. Squid hates driving in the dark, and prefers to spit morning ink after a good night’s rest.

Squid recently got one of those great night’s sleep, but woke up to a surreal nightmare when Squid found someone had planted piss-yellow Measure C signs all over the lawn. Measure C (brought to you with major funding by fireworks manufacturer TNT Fireworks) would overturn a ban enacted by the Salinas City Council on so-called “safe-n-sane” fireworks, and allow people to resume blowing stuff up (and irritating their neighbors, scaring dogs and really harassing PTSD sufferers) legally. Salinas Fire Chief Ed Rodriguez and Police Chief Kelly McMillin both supported the ban. You know who opposes the ban? TNT. They enlisted the support of community groups on the premise that when those groups sell fireworks every July 4, they make a teeny bit of money in the process.

Squid collected the illegally placed signs and is now plotting an epic work of performance art. Squid is thinking of building a house out of the cardboard, firing a bottle rocket at its roof, then filming the results. Or maybe Squid will fold the signs into origami in the shape of a giant middle finger and place it on the lawn of TNT shill/GOP lobbyist Dennis Revell.

NOT A TANK… Aside from dodging the occasional squid jig, Squid leads a carefree life in the sea, and usually swims about in a mild state of bliss. But after May 17, when Marina City Council unanimously voted to allow the Marina Police Department to join the California Public Safety Procurement Program, Squid is breathing less easily.

Among other things, the program will allow the department to acquire aircraft, watercraft, armored vehicles and other tactical equipment at no cost, but Chief Edmundo Rodriguezassured the council it wasn’t things like watercraft he was after – though Squid’s unconvinced – it was just a single armored tactical vehicle. Rodriguez said the vehicle wouldn’t be used exclusively in Marina, it would be a tool for the Regional Police Special Response Unit, which is called to action in situations involving an active shooter and/or hostages. “It is for protective and defensive – not offensive – purposes,” he said. “This is the opportunity to move our tactical operators into a critical hot zone.”

City Council expressed concern about the public perception in acquiring the vehicle, but ultimately agreed it will provide valuable protection.

“This is not a tank,” Councilman David Brown said, “this an armored vehicle to protect officers.”

Fair enough, but Squid hopes Rodriguez isn’t also eyeing free drones, hovercrafts and armored submersibles.