SQUID FRY: Fool Fail

FOOL FAIL… The Weekly has pulled off some fairly epic April Fools’ stories in its day, like when Disney bought Del Rey Oaks, or Seaside’s In-N-Out was canceled in favor of a Burger King with Left-Handed Whoppers, and Clint Eastwood was busted for a beach fire in Carmel.

A few local agencies stepped into the fray this year. And the results were… mixed.

On March 31, the city of Monterey sent out a statement announcing the city, in advance of budget season, is seeking a “data dog,” allegedly in wide use in Ireland and Germany for the past several years, “which can sniff out data in both digital and print documents.” (Astute observers may have noted City Manager Mike McCarthyhas Irish heritage, while Assistant City Manager Hans Uslar is a native German.) To fund the acquisition, the city announced it would impose a tunnel tax and Twitter tax.

The Salinas Valley Chamber of Commerce took the weirdness a few steps further, issuing a press release and shooting an accompanying video announcing that Chamber CEO Paul Farmer had been ousted in a coup by a “gaggle of pre-pubescent guerreros” led by “El Jefe.” “Armed with sling shots and wiffle bats, they promised prisoners would not be hurt ‘as long as they do what they’re told,’” it reads. “If you’ve seen ‘Children of the Corn,’ these guys make that look like a stroll down Sesame Street. They’re really brutal.” At least the idea of kids taking over the Chamber to advance their agenda in the next 100 days – pony rides, all-day recess and ice cream for lunch – is a better 100-day plan than what Squid hears from another new leader.

WHIFF OF WHAT?… Squid loves a good mystery, but some mysteries can be sneakier – and stinkier – than others. Take, for instance, the stench in Marina that some residents claim is tainting the city’s ocean breezes, and the source of which has eluded residents since 2015, according to social media platforms like Nextdoor.

One complaint posted on Feb. 11 was written by a frustrated resident who moved from Marina to Salinas to avoid the “pesticide and manure smell.”

Luckily for Marina residents, Mayor Bruce Delgado is also a stink sleuth. On March 17, Delgado asked residents to start providing intel on where and when they smell the stank. From the looks of it, people get a good whiff starting as early as 4am, and primarily in Marina’s northwestern and central neighborhoods.

While there are no answers yet, it seems Delgado’s intervention might’ve been enough of a solution: Eighty-one Nextdoor replies later, some residents are saying they’re not smelling it anymore, while others say they never detected it to begin with. That includes City Councilmember David W. Brown, who says he’s lived in Marina for 26 years and “never smelled a thing.”