SQUID FRY 10.20.16: OFF POINTE…

OFF POINTE… Maybe it was the recent storms that had Squid feeling cultural and romantic, curling up under the blankets and reading classic novels. So when Squid learned the Russian ballet was coming to Salinas’ own Fox Theater to perform Swan Lake, Squid broke the piggy bank and bought Squidself a ticket and a sparkly new outfit. Finally, Squid thought, Salinas – and Squid – would get something high-class like they deserve.

But Squid’s hopes for a classy night out were shattered even before Squid got to the ticket window. The line was three blocks long – longer, it seemed, than staff was prepared for, so they delayed the show by an hour.

When Squid finally got in and bought Squidself a $10 glass of Pinot Noir (classy!) in a plastic cup, the show had started. Squid looked in on the opening act, and the ballerinas barely fit on the tiny stage. Meanwhile, hordes of people still wandered through the aisles looking for their seats. (Squid’s seat had already been taken by a audience member who apparently gave up looking for her own.) Once Squid shooed her away, Squid teared up watching Tchaikovsky’s four little swans and forgot about the rough start. But Squid couldn’t help but think: This is why Salinas can’t have nice things.

IF THE FANCY SHOE FITS… Not having feet, Squid doesn’t wear shoes, but if Squid could, Squid would likely favor sleek and sexy stilettos – to be ready for things like nights out at the ballet.

When Squid’s colleague bragged about getting a permit to wear high heels in Carmel, Squid not only felt a pang of envy, but also was reminded of former Monterey Peninsula Unified School District Superintendent Marilyn Shephard, who fell and broke her ankle while wearing heels on a Monterey sidewalk in 2014. She sued the city in 2015, claiming she was no longer able to enjoy fashionable heels because of her injury.

That litigation is still ongoing, but it would be moot if her fall had happened in Carmel. Since 1964, the village has required people who wear high heels in excess of 2 inches to have a permit. While it seems like just another quirky Carmel law (it is), it also protects the city from liability on its narrow dimly lit streets. Over the course of 42 years, city officials have doled out 1,186 free high-heel permits. In 2016, 270 permits have been issued to visitors to Carmel from all over the world. (That’s up from 189 issued in 2015.)

It’s easy to make fun of Carmel, from its war on ice cones in the 1980s to its war on beach fires in 2015. But the quirky village that loves regulation has at least protected itself from litigious fashionistas.

If Squid tries fancy shoes, maybe Squid will try them somewhere else – just to be safe.