SQUID FRY 09.17.15: Where Dennis Was…

WHERE DENNIS WAS… When news broke Sept. 11 that Monterey’s Dennis the Menace statue, which was stolen from its namesake park in 2006, turned up at an Orlando scrap metal yard, at first Squid was shocked: Orlando? But then Squid rejoiced, as Dennis has always been dear to Squid’s troublemaking heart.

Later that day, the city of Monterey launched a contest, encouraging the public to place Dennis in their photos in various places and post them to social media with #WhereWasDennis. Genius.

While Squid hasn’t had time to enter yet, Squid’s got a pretty good idea of where Dennis was: In 2006, a graduating senior from Monterey High (who was also a menace) figured out, with friends, how to steal Dennis and lug all 200 pounds of him into hiding. Squid will call this senior “Todd.” It turns out Todd’s parents had money, and paid for him to attend Vanderbilt University in Nashville. Todd drove out there himself in his BMW, Dennis stowed away in the trunk. Unsurprisingly, Todd decided to pledge a fraternity (Sigma Alpha Epsilon). Before long, Dennis was made an honorary bro. He was doused with beer regularly, and even given lap dances. But things went south, literally: Some bros took Dennis along on a spring break bender to Florida and left him in a stall of a women’s restroom.

No one knew what to do with him, so he was put in a closet. A thief later broke into it and sold Dennis for scrap. Squid was sent a pile of photos of Dennis’ adventures; as Squid welcomes Dennis home, Squid invites everyone to take a look at them at www.mcweekly.com.

SUITS GET DICEY… When Squid learned Salinas Councilman Jose Castañeda pleaded not guilty to charges that he locked his ex-girlfriend in a van and smacked her around, Squid had to know more. So Squid went to Salinas City Hall where Castañeda and his attorney, Anthony Prince, were talking to the media. To Squid’s surprise, Squid was not the only one without media credentials. Two robust men (think more relaxed versions of RoboCop) were also there. Squid was anxious, but Castañeda showed Squid and the media how not to be scared, because he sidled right up to the big dudes in suits and sunglasses. That’s when things got dicey.

One of the men, a Salinas police detective, did not take kindly to Castañeda invading his personal space. After inching away from the accused councilman, the man pushed him away. Prince quickly jumped to the rescue.

“Sir, you don’t need to handle my client that way,” Prince said, and the mystery cop walked away. Squid got skittish watching the scuffle, but suspects Castañeda enjoyed that it happened in front of the cameras.

The other suited-up man, Squid later learned, was District Attorney Investigator Peter Austin – not to be confused with Steve Austin, the bionic man.