SQUID FRY 07.31.14 - “The best pretzel I’ve ever had.” Really?

TRIPLE DOH!… A lot of things have been written about Food Network star Guy Fieri over the years, but Squid’s favorite comes from Myles Tanzer, who in a 2012 post on Gawker described him as “Mountain Dew in human form.”

And while Squid isn’t partial to Mountain Dew, Squid can’t help but enjoy the boundless energy Fieri brings both to the screen and to local events like Pebble Beach Food & Wine and Cooking For Solutions. Squid also appreciates the attention Fieri’s given to this area of late, featuring four local restaurants on his Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives since May. Squid tuned in Sunday night to check out Fieri’s recent visit to Cannery Row Brewing Company.

And who does Squid see onscreen, but local emcee and fashion consultant Maddox Haberdasher? Squid assumes he just happened to be there, perhaps to grab himself a Parmesan pretzel, which he tells the camera is “the best pretzel I’ve ever had.”

Squid’s willing to give that hyperbole a pass – the pretzel is tasty – but hopes Haberdasher will get a little more creative for the second dish, CRBC’s short-rib grilled cheese. Haberdasher no doubt had plenty of time to brainstorm one-line zingers. But this is what he comes back with: “It’s sandwich-tastic.”

Haberdasher! Noooo! “Sandwich-tastic” is plaid on plaid in verbal form.

WHAT THE FOLK… Squid has a hard time with lighters; Squid’s slime always puts out the spark. So Squid raised Squid’s cell phone high at the Chris Robinson Brotherhood concert at the Henry Miller Memorial Library in May, waving with the electric pulse of psychedelic guitar mixed with ocean breeze. Big Sur doesn’t get much cooler than that.

County Supervisor Dave Potter is a fan of the fun, and of the library. But he’s scratching his head about where all the money ends up in those large-scale productions. Some of it goes to the nonprofit HMML, sure, but some of it likely also hits the pockets of promotion company (((folkYEAH!))), whose founder, Britt Govea, sits on the library board.

According to HMML’s 2012 federal tax form, the library has a written policy requiring board directors to annually disclose any potential conflicts of interest. The IRS’s next question: Did the nonprofit regularly monitor and enforce that policy? HMML’s answer on those tax forms: No.

Govea didn’t call Squid’s colleague back, so Squid turned to the wisdom of Henry Miller himself. Here’s Miller in his Tropic of Capricorn: “Every man is working out his destiny in his own way. Some men take the long route and some take the short route and nobody can help except by being kind, generous and patient.” Here’s to destiny, and to working out all these compelling contradictions.