SQUID FRY 07.17.14 – #Freehans…

#FreeHans… Squid was mighty excited to see campaign shenanigans ramping up as we begin the long and painful slog to the November election. Over in San Benito County, Californians for Law and Order – the nitwits behind the smear campaign against Monterey County Sheriff Scott Miller – finally changed their name to acknowledge their intent. The new name? Californians for Law and Order Oppose Sheriff Miller 2014.

Online, meanwhile, candidates are conspiring with videographers to sweeten up their images. One video on the website of District 2 Supervisor candidate John Phillipsfeatures his cutie-pie grandson telling beloved bop-bop: “Give me some credentials.” Other videos are narrated in Spanish by a sonorous Supervisor Simon Salinas. But for truly eye-rolling cute, possibly nothing Squid will see this campaign cycle can trump the campaign-launch video posted online by Salinas City CouncilwomanKimbley Craig. The faux PR video purports to have Craig meet her new campaign manager, who promptly declares Craig’s lipstick too red (“In politics, red is really angry”), her jacket too green (“You look like an environmentalist”) and her sweater too pink (“It’s a Legally Blonde goes to City Hall”). It takes a while to understand it’s a parody before she briefly meets a campaign-prop boyfriend (whom the manager wrestles away from her grip), and then she pulls out Hans the dachshund. The campaign manager tries to rename the long-suffering pup Checkers because Hans isn’t patriotic enough. The compromise is a red and blue, sparkly dog headband for the little German American. The point of all this quazi-cute: Craig likes being on council and takes it seriously even while she mocks herself – and she wants to keep the gig. So far, nobody’s announced plans to oppose. Then again, campaign season is young. Crazy young.

Code Beige… Like most cephalopods, Squid’s got a thing for ink. It’s not just because Squid has a sack of it to squirt, it’s because Squid appreciates good body art. Despite the objections of Papa Squid, Squid went ahead and got some tats for Squidself: four-chambered heart on the left tentacle, analog typewriter on the right.

And like most cephalopods, Squid keeps close tabs on any advisories sent by the Monterey County Health Department, mostly so Squid knows which beaches are contaminated with icky bacteria. So it was with great surprise – and dismay – Squid read a recent county advisory.

It wasn’t about bacteria in the water, it was in the ink. That’s right, vertebrates, there’s a recall of tattoo ink and needles made by the company White & Blue Lion after the U.S. Food and Drug Administration discovered a microbial pathogen that can lead to infection. Bummer news for the local body-art community. The good news: Squid has plenty of clean ink. but it’ll cost ya.