SQUID FRY 04.21.16: Raw Deal…

RAW DEAL… Squid was born with a sweet tooth, but has learned to love the crops the Salinas Valley is famous for growing. (A little salt and shrimp seasoning help.) Squid has also discovered that Squid feels noticeably better after nomming fruits and veggies.

So Squid finds it ironic that highly processed foods are less likely to give Squid food poisoning than fresh produce, but that’s the reality of growing vegetables outdoors, exposed to the elements.

At a few recent protests, members of the International Brotherhood of the Teamsters would have people believing they should never again eat a fresh tomato. Protesters were outside of Chipotle restaurants in San Jose, Manteca and Sacramento, distributing fliers that read, “Chipotle Turns Our Stomachs” – a reference to the recent E. coli outbreak linked to the burrito chain. But the Teamsters aren’t asking for better food safety protocols at Chipotle: They’re asking consumers to support their efforts to unionize 900 workers at a tomato-processing plant in Tracy, which supplies Chipotle and is owned by Salinas-based Taylor Farms. Squid’s all for union labor, but thinks it’s an unfairly low blow to insinuate that Taylor is to blame for the outbreak, when a thorough FDA investigation didn’t show any connection. The whole thing gives Squid a stomachache.

GUNNING FOR GOLD… Squid oozed out to Squid’s sweet ride (‘71 Pinto) last week for a quick trip to the spa. But even before Squid could get the keys out, Squid saw the carnage: glove box open, papers tossed. And the loose change Squid kept in a Star Wars commemorative Slurpee cup? Gone.

“Otters,” Squid thought angrily. “Otters looking for a shellfish high.”

That’s why Squid can relate to the latest should-have-locked-the-car-door misfortune to befall a member of Salinas’ finest. On Monday morning, a Salinas Police officer discovered that sometime in the night, someone had opened the door to his unlocked car and made off with his .45-caliber Glock, his badge and his uniform.

The theft – one of three auto burglaries that happened in the Las Palmas development that night – is in the county, so it’s up to the Monterey County Sheriff’s Office to investigate. Squid could imagine the unidentified officer might be in a heap of trouble, but given Chief Kelly McMillin just had a similar incident (AR-15 in trunk ripped from its lock and taken along with a stash of ammo), Squid’s not sure what will happen to the poor shmoe.

But Squid bets this: all around the county, law enforcement officers can be found standing on their front porches in their jammies, hitting the lock button and listening for the melodic chirp of their car alarms. And weapons are safely stored in gun safes in their homes.