SQUID FRY 01.29.15: Twist of the Wrist

TWIST OF THE WRIST… Few people realize that while Squid has a love-filled, three-chambered heart and enough tentacles to multi-task with the best of them, Squid also has a sensitive beak, able to sniff out baked goods at a mile.

Of course, the powdered sugar decorating the front of KSBW reporter Felix Cortez’ shirt was also a clue.

Cortez is on the winning side of a lame bet thrown out by Weekly editor Mary Duan. A week ago, rumor started circulating that former Sheriff Scott Miller,during his final days in office, filed a stress-related disability claim. The rumor spread so quickly throughout local media that Duan threw down the gambit on Twitter: First reporter to nail down what really happened gets a donut and coffee.

Cortez, who was late to the party and had to be told what the rumor was, came in first: Miller had in fact filed a workers’ comp claim for a wrist injury. Too much wringing his hands at getting his ass kicked by Steve Bernal and his money machine? Squid’s not sure, but Squid knew this: Duan had to pay up.

Enter Cops & Doughnuts, a Michigan bakery actually owned by cops. (The shop’s T-shirts read, “Don’t glaze me, bro.”) Apparently enjoying the Twitter battle of the reporters, they tracked Cortez down and sent him a mug, a bag of their private-label coffee and a baked treat. Now maybe Cops & Doughnuts can track down who at the county leaked the intel about Miller’s claim. The county won’t do it; one insider says investigating it would mean acknowledging Miller filed it in the first place.

FALL GUY… Squid’s sometimes able to enjoy the finer things in life, but mostly, the depth of Squid’s pockets are better suited for Dollar Tree than Whole Foods. Which is why when Squid goes beddy-bye, get-rich-quick dreams play through Squid’s head. So far, not so good. But last week, Squid came up with a plan that might work: Ooze around Monterey until calamity strikes.

Squid’s watched over the past months what people think they can squeeze from the city when bad things happen to them on its property. Last December, former Monterey Peninsula Union School District supe Marilyn Shepherd filed a $750,000 claim for tripping in a pothole city officials say was less than an inch deep. That’s nothing compared to a claim recently filed by Harlan Graves, who was charged last August with accidentally starting a wildfire in Big Sur. He alleges he was unlawfully arrested by Monterey police last June for public intoxication. The officers, Graves claims, injured his “neck muscles and bone,” according to the city’s report. The price tag Graves puts on his suffering? $25.6 million. The city denied the claim, but there’s no telling if a lawsuit will follow. Squid will keep an eye out for it, just as Squid will be watching for uneven sidewalks and teetering anvils. Squid just might hurt Squidself.