SQUID FRY 01.15.15 - Faux Foe

FAUX FOE… Squid spends more time oozing around the Internet than is healthy for a cephalopod, and can be as much a sucker for click bait as any of Squid’s two-legged friends. But one way Squid tries to maintain cyber-sanity is by tuning out what have become a scourge to modern society – trolls.

Whether it’s on news websites, Facebook, Twitter or Reddit, trolls abound, spreading anonymous stink. And sometimes, particularly on sites like Yelp, that stink can cause real harm to businesses. Which is why Squid was so tickled by a handwritten note left by a recent diner at Cachagua General Store, which Chef Michael Jones – no friend to trolls – shared on his Facebook page.

“Chef, I came tonight under the persistence of my friend/host, DJ,” it reads. “Sadly, I do not share his appreciation nor enthusiasm for my entree. I ordered the lamb shank. When it came to the table I was appauled [sic]. It actually melted off the bone!” Removing meat from the bone, the diner writes, “should be a struggle… A team of horses should be utilized to separate good from evil.” The anonymous note was signed “Disgruntled Diner” in true troll style, though a few of Jones’ Facebook friends didn’t quite pick up the sarcasm. Not Jones though, who dubbed the patron, “Diner of the night.”

MAKE MY DAY… Squid spent much of the holiday break chillaxing at the movies, dipping fluffy popcorn into shrimp-flavored butter, sipping eggnog and sitting in the dark, watching tales unfold on the big screen. The Babadook– with an eponymous creature and a creepy little kid – scared the crap out of Squid. Boyhood, which director Richard Linklater filmed over 12 years using the same cast, kept Squid so entranced that Squid longed for three more hours in the life of Mason (the boy in the title). And Squid thought for sure Squid could get an interview with local luminary Clint Eastwood, whose American Sniper was released in big cities on Christmas and is finally, finally coming to Monterey on Friday.

Alas, Squid was Shaq-ed. Squid was made to feel like that empty chair at the Republican National Convention.

Despite a campaign that involved begging, pleading and cajoling, Squid was told Eastwood (aka, Dina Ruiz’ ex-husband, aka the former mayor of Carmel, aka… oh hell, you know who Eastwood is) wasn’t doing local press on the film, and certainly wasn’t doing it with the Weekly. Eastwood “has a long memory,” one rep told the paper.

“A long memory for what?” Squid wonders. Squid supposes it’s possible Eastwood is still holding a grudge for the Weekly’s reporting on the back-door dealing that led to approval of his Tehama development, but if Squid can forgive Eastwood for Trouble With the Curve, surely Eastwood can forgive the Weekly for that.