Slop Happy

SLOP HAPPY… Squid is skeptical of artificial intelligence for many reasons, one of which is near and dear to Squid’s three-chamber heart: the environment. AI’s high energy and water demands are depleting resources faster than Squid can pop shrimp-flavored popcorn.

That hasn’t stopped a deluge of AI content from being generated from right here in Monterey County. Carmel Mayor Dale Byrne has churned out at least 18 AI-crafted songs since June 21, posted to the hearthis.at platform. Most are cringe-worthy odes to Carmel and its denizens. He’s dabbled in different genres, from Broadway to Americana, country and pop, plus one that sounds like evangelical praise music.

Byrne writes the lyrics, then leaves the rest to AI. “It’s a diversion, something I enjoy doing,” he tells Squid’s colleague. (Just three hours later, there was a new AI-generated song about Squid.)

He posted a song on Aug. 15 entitled “One Loud Week,” about Car Week, sung as a rock power ballad. (“Some folks love it, some folks leave. Some folks have got a business and have no way to flee.”)

One song, honoring the Carmel Art Association’s 100th anniversary, includes the line, “Carmel Art Association, where inspiration finds creation.”

It’s an AI-generated song that comes with an AI-generated cover logo, praising real artists who create real art and who now collectively face an existential crisis thanks to AI. Squid has no words – and no intention of asking a robot for inspiration.

SCRATCH THE ITCH… Squid is grateful that sea creatures cannot get poison oak, as aquatic skin lacks an immune response to the plant’s oil. Not so for humans – the poor firefighters working on the Timber Fire in Big Sur – and Squid recently heard of suspicions that some people are potentially weaponizing the vile plant to keep others out of a park in Pacific Grove.

During a P.G. City Council meeting on Aug. 5, councilmembers were reviewing a draft forest management plan for George Washington Park. Exactly how to care for it has been a bone of contention between those who want it used at least partially for recreation and those who believe it should be treated purely as a nature preserve.

Environmental Program Manager George Fuerst told councilmembers that he’d heard comments that some people are in favor of planting poison oak to keep others out (except birds, rabbits and occasional nosy cephalopods), although he sounded doubtful. Councilmember Tina Rau was less skeptical. “I don’t think the poison oak has been left to its own devices,” she said. “There was a thumb on the scale.”

Squid imagines people in camo hazmat suits sneaking in at night with poison oak seedlings, on a righteous mission to defend the park at all costs. It makes Squid’s translucent skin itch just thinking about it.