Scoop and Score

SCOOP AND SCORE… One thing about a goose, Squid has observed over the years, is that it pushes a lot out of its caboose. And for those who visit the otherwise handsome lawns at Seaside City Hall or, just across the street at Laguna Grande Park, and see the brown pellets on the ground and think: It’s great to see the city proactively aerating its park lawns to promote better lawn health!

Nope! You’re looking at goose poop.

It’s an issue Seaside’s been dealing with for decades, but there’s only so much the city can do – wild animals are, you know, wild, and Laguna Grande is home to many geese. So for years the city has had a “turf sweeper” to clean the two lawns before city-sponsored events take place, because no one wants to lay their blanket down on a bunch of dookie, much less worry about their dog eating it.

Which is why on July 20, Seaside City Council approved spending $51,500 to purchase a new turf sweeper, as the city’s current one dates back to 1985. Per the official city report regarding the acquisition, its express purpose is “so that maintenance staff can clean up goose poop from the lawns.”

It seems like a perfectly reasonable request, and Squid appreciates that Seaside staff didn’t beat around the bush for a bunch of polite euphemisms, and just called it like it is: poop. From a goose.

RIDING SHOTGUN… As a proud cephalopod, Squid holds kraken in high esteem. Mythological or not, the thought of a powerful kraken taking down entire ships makes Squid feel all warm and inky. So when Squid learned that a kraken plays a key role in Treasure Hunt: The Ride, Squid made the short ooze over to Cannery Row for the grand opening. Once the ride began, however, Squid was dismayed to see people blazing away at a video kraken.

The new attraction is a theme park ride, a shooting gallery, a tall tale and a bit of family fun in one package. In fact, Squid’s colleagues received a press release proclaiming Treasure Hunt “the coolest attraction the area has ever seen.” A stretch? Well, before the arrival of Oscar’s Playground and Escape Room, the coolest things on Cannery Row for families were… Squid is drawing a blank. (Squid sees plenty of jellyfish, so the Monterey Bay Aquarium is of little interest – although Squid deeply appreciates the Aquarium’s work to preserve Squid’s natural habitat. Not to mention, of course, the attraction of Squid’s natural habitat, the Monterey Bay itself.)

Once the ride begins, guests go off in pursuit of untold riches, there are arcade guns with unlimited magazine capacity, a tally to identify winners from losers and the entire story is a bit of fake news. Squid thinks Treasure Hunt may actually be the perfect ride for our times.