Merry Squidmas

MERRY SQUIDMAS… It’s the season when Santa and Squid both take stock of who’s been naughty or nice – everyone gets something delivered down the chimney. For Hans Uslar, Monterey’s retiring city manager, Squid gives a book of local coupons so he can spend money in the city and help bridge the massive budget gap as a private citizen. To Carmel residents near Forest Hill Park, a hotline for every time an illegal pickleball game pops up.

To the Pacific Grove City Council, Squid offers cannabis gummies once a retail store opens up so they can mellow out when the usual suspects get feisty.

For members of Salinas City Council (except Andrew Sandoval) Squid gifts a social media training so they can increase their presence online – and respond to Sandoval’s jabs right there. For Sandoval, Squid gives the book Empathy in Politics and Leadership by Claire Yorke so he can improve his relationships with others, virtually and IRL.

For Marina City Council, Squid gives aversion therapy. Unsure of what that is? Think of the scene in A Clockwork Orange where the main character is forced to watch ultra-violent scenes. In this case, however, council members will be forced to watch their own long-lasting meetings. Hopefully, that will make them more aware of people’s attention spans and end meetings in a timely manner.

For County of Monterey code enforcement officials, Squid gives a catalog featuring the newest McLaren automobiles. They can peruse its pages after hand-delivering a citation in the middle of a Car Week party (at a Carmel Valley home owned by an OpenAI exec) for $505,359 for an unpermitted event. The lawsuit the property owners filed is still pending in Monterey County Superior Court, but County officials can always hope there’s a settlement that includes a new high-end fleet of government vehicles.

For Joby Aviation, Squid offers an encrypted hard drive, so company secrets can’t be so easily stolen. (Squid will be watching in 2026 to see what happens with allegations that an ex-employee brought trade secrets to a new job at competitor Archer.)

For Seaside Police Chief Nick Borges, Squid gives a subscription to A&E Crime Central, so he can continue to solve cold cases. For the Monterey Jazz Festival, Squid gives a new groove to take the festival to a more swingin’ time in 2026, after a few bumps in the road throughout 2025 left some fans feeling flat.

For the business owners of Castroville, lifetime memberships to the spa to soothe their nerves, because much more road work is coming in 2026.

For energy company Vistra, Squid would give them a lump of coal – that’s an old-fashioned way to make power – but Santa is already on it, if members of the group Never Again Moss Landing have made themselves heard.