Magic Spell

MAGIC SPELL… In the ocean, Squid hears some crazy things. There was the time Sunny the Sea Star said it was too salty (turned out Sunny was drinking margaritas). Or when Tina the Tuna challenged Squid to a race – Squid might be one of the fastest invertebrates, but Squid doesn’t even have fins.

Squid has grown used to Trump Administration officials saying some crazy things, but even Squid was startled to see that Hung Cao could make it all the way to the role of Acting Secretary of the Navy, given that Cao literally believes in witches.

Cao first came to Squid’s attention in 2024 when he was running for governor of Virginia (he lost). Late-night TV host John Oliver’s team turned up footage of Cao describing Squid’s backyard: “There’s a place in Monterey, California called Lovers Point. The original name was Lovers of Christ Point, but now it’s become, they took out the ‘Christ,’ it’s Lovers Point and it’s really, Monterey is a very dark place now, with a lot of witchcraft and the Wiccan community has really taken over,” said Cao, who had studied physics at the Naval Postgraduate School.

Where to begin? First, it was once called Lovers of Jesus, not Lovers of Christ, and it’s in Pacific Grove, not Monterey, but facts matter little to this cohort of leaders. Squid wishes it was as simple as waving a magic tentacle to get them to see straight, but that seems unlikely – magic isn’t real.

WINE DOWN… Believe it or not, wine pairs nicely with shrimp-flavored popcorn. So Squid appreciates all the wineries in Monterey County. Squid shouldn’t have been surprised – but was – to find that someone found a way to pair wine with divisive politics.

Squid’s colleague received a press release celebrating medals awarded to Republican Red Winery at the “prestigious” Monterey International Wine Competition. The Platinum medal for the winery’s America 250 Sparkling Wine beat out Barefoot Bubbly, a sub-$10 bottle and the only competitor in the category.

Republican Red’s MAHA Cabernet Franc picked up gold – against zero competition. That’s what winning looks like, Barefoot.

Not surprisingly, the press release uses words such as “heritage,” “tradition,” “purity” and (several times) “values.” How does a Cab Franc reflect “a philosophy rooted in heritage, authenticity and intentional living”? Squid needs a glass of wine to make sense of it all.

Squid has no doubt about the wine’s quality – the competition results say it all. Nor, given the buzzwords, does Squid challenge the winery’s commitment to “embracing meaning and identity.” With what the party has recently demonstrated, Squid wonders if MAHA might come to stand for Make America Hate Again.