Fire Sale

FIRE SALE… Squid’s jalopy gets Squid around town just fine, but even Squid admits it’s a little rough around the edges. Still, if Squid decided to turn it in for an upgrade, say a Tesla, Squid could probably get an even trade for the jalopy, thanks to the tanking values caused by Elon Musk’s shenanigans.

If Squid’s jalopy happened to burn to a crisp, it would have no value – and definitely not worth the price of a home in some states. But that’s what happened at a Florida auction earlier in March.

A 1934 Hispano Suiza J12 Vanvooren Cabriolet, owned by Hong Kong billionaire businessman Michael Kadoorie, rolled along the auction block (at least figuratively) at Amelia Auction, fetching a price of $224,000. It’s a smoking deal, considering the rare vehicle is worth $2 million, but here’s the catch: The car literally went up in smoke.

The car was shown at the 2024 Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, but on its way back home, the trailer it was being transported in caught fire on Highway 68, destroying the prized possession and turning it into a burnt-out husk.

A listing on the auction website describes the car as a “near-mythical masterpiece… that begs for a triumphant return from the ashes.”

Some people admire burnt rubber, while others prefer to do it with their vehicles. Squid would have done the latter away from this car.

WHAT A RIOT… There are no constitutional rules governing the assembly of shoals of Squid, but even in the kill-or-be-killed ocean, Squid prefers peaceful gatherings – they’re more fun, and nobody has to go to prison.

Of course for January 6 insurrectionists who tried to overturn the 2020 election result, the 2024 victory of Donald Trump meant a get-out-of-jail-free card. Now that they have been pardoned, some are taking a victory tour and the Association of Monterey Bay Conservatives is set to host six so-called “patriots” as speakers on April 3. (According to federal prosecutors, one of them, Edward Badalian, wrote in a Telegram group chat: “If they’re guilty of treason they should be executed… Biden is definitely guilty of treason.” Squid wonders how they’ll spin that one as patriotic.)

The event was first advertised as taking place at Bayonet and Black Horse in Seaside, but after Squid’s colleagues and others started calling with questions, the venue quickly canceled.

Squid’s been trying to reach event hosts ever since, to no avail. It’s still being advertised – for $45 attendees can meet the “political hostages” over apps and wine – at a venue to be disclosed only upon registration.

Given how much these speakers claim to believe in the right to assemble freely, Squid expects to be invited to listen in.