Different Shades

DIFFERENT SHADES… Squid is lucky to live under the sea, where Squid’s lair is decked out in all sorts of different colors thanks to the kelp forest.

But how about the colors of the homes where land-dwellers reside? Not great, unless you like all the many “different” tones of beige.

During one of Squid’s recent outings to Monterey County Superior Court, Squid came across a case that mentioned shades of gray. Naturally, Squid was intrigued to read more and see who was getting hot and heavy in the courtroom.

The reality was much less sexy, but just as juicy as Fifty Shades. Susan Strathy is suing Las Palmas Ranch, saying the Salinas development’s Architectural Board continues to deny her home’s repainting, no matter what color she requests.

“Many, many” homes in the development have been painted shades of white, green and yellow, she contends. But when it comes to gray, the board apparently practices “selective enforcement” among the homeowners, according to Strathy.

Squid suggests the board limit the number of gray-shaded homes to 50, as it might be a strong selling point to potential buyers who also happen to be fans of E.L. James’ writing.

Strathy, meanwhile, might have better luck requesting tried-and-true beige. She’s set to make her case in small claims court on May 2.

TOUGH TALK… One recent night, Squid was low on shrimp-flavored popcorn, so Squid oozed over to the store to stock up the pantry. In the parking lot, Squid’s beak fell open when Squid saw a Tesla Cybertruck. At first, Squid wasn’t sure what to think. Was it a wartime vehicle, or a visit from extraterrestrials? Just the latest from Elon Musk.

Described as an “ideal police vehicle,” this massive 800-horsepower beast is advertised as able to go from 0-62 mph in 2.9 seconds and tow up to 14,000 pounds.

“You want a truck that’s really tough, not fake tough,” Musk said during a 2019 vehicle debut. “You want a truck you can take a sledgehammer to, a truck that won’t scratch, doesn’t dent.” (Two windows broke in a demo. Whoopsies!)

It seems no amount of tough exterior can make up for driver error, however. Around 4:30pm on Monday, March 4, the Marina Fire Department responded to a report of a Cybertruck stuck on Marina State Beach. According to California State Parks spokesperson Douglas Johnson, the Nevada driver cruised over the curb at the end of Reservation Road, past a sign stating “No Vehicles on Beach,” and promptly got stuck. First responders helped release air from the tires (not rocket science), the vehicle was cited with what will be at least a $280 fine, and the driver took the bullet-proof (but not sand-proof) tank back onto the pavement, where Squid hopes it will stay.