Clam Chatter

CLAM CHATTER… Squid has enough to worry about, so Squid has tried in vain to ignore the rise of artificial intelligence. Squid covered Squid’s statocysts (akin to human ears) and sang “la, la, la” loudly when the results of a survey of AI experts was released in March, giving humanity a 1-in-10 chance against AI taking over and causing its extinction. (The study did not explore the odds for cephalopods in this hypothetical future scenario.)

Squid does know something about AI chatbots, which is why Squid became suspicious of an article published April 24 on California.com, a privately owned website, about living in and visiting Monterey. The introduction boldly states: “From majestic ocean views to world-class aquariums, Monterey’s charm is undeniable.” Aquariums, plural? Squid supposes one could say that technically there are multiple aquariums within the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but no one living talks like that. The article goes on to talk about “Monterey” while swerving in and out of Pacific Grove.

To test Squid’s theory, Squid used an online tool to check the article and it came back as likely written by AI. (Squid cross-checked a recent column of Squid’s own, which was detected as likely written by a human – Squid is trying not to be offended.)

Squid really knew something was awry when the article listed as a “delicious culinary delight” a slice of clam pizza. Squid regularly indulges in clams, but even Squid knows clams on pizza is a bad idea. Silly robot.

BE LIKE A TREE… If a tree falls, but nobody expected the tree to fall, then is anyone responsible for the tree falling? Squid has thought this riddle over for days now in the hope of reaching some kind of enlightenment, yet the answer remains elusive.

This is the same riddle that Monterey County posed to Carmel property owner Gary Bruner. In January, Bruner filed a claim against the county after winter storms caused a large tree branch – located across the street from his property, on unincorporated county land – to fall on his backyard fence, flattening it. Bruner was left to fork over $500 to repair the damage, according to his claim – not a bad deal counting labor and materials, if you ask Squid, but a decent chunk of change regardless.

Bruner’s claim was denied by the county, he tells Squid’s colleague, on the grounds that “there was no previous notification of the tree that fell on my property having a potential of falling.”

Squid can see the legal reasoning behind this argument: That the county is only liable for fallen trees that were deemed a potential hazard yet not dealt with. But the riddle gets more complicated, because isn’t that pretty much every tree, everywhere?

Squid is left to ponder this mystery, one as deep as the Monterey Bay Canyon.