Build an expert team you can trust, and others lessons of a trustee.

Pam Marino here, reflecting on the fact that a year ago the moment my family always knew would come—but didn’t really want to contemplate—became a reality. My mom, age 87, experienced a massive stroke and passed away peacefully a few days later.

As emotionally fraught as that time was, the moment I was told about the stroke I knew I was taking on a new legal role in addition to my role as daughter. When the woman at the door to the emergency department didn’t want to let me in due to Covid-19 rules, I uttered the magic words: “I have power of attorney.” I was promptly ushered in.

As it became clear that my mom would not survive, I knew I would be assuming another role as trustee of her estate. I had a duty to protect and manage the estate’s assets, as was made very clear when weeks later I raised my right hand and took an oath in front of a notary.

It was a challenging time—I was grieving my mom’s death while at the same time facing a steep learning curve on how to manage and settle the estate. A year later I still miss my mom. I also have a wealth of newly acquired knowledge that I probably won’t have to use ever again.

And so I’m here to offer a sliver of what I learned. You may not need this info right now—feel free to tuck the ideas away for the future.

Here’s one of my top tips: Assemble a team of experts to assist you. It’s overwhelming how much needs to be taken care of and how many laws and regulations there are to navigate. “Team Pam” included an estate attorney in the county where my mom passed away and owned a home, a tax accountant, a financial advisor, a banker, a real estate agent and, last but not least, a therapist. 

I would not have made it through the year without this team, at least not successfully. The attorney knew the ins and outs of the local courthouse and the tax assessor’s office. He knew a good banker for the required estate account. He also knew the specifics of California estate law that weren’t included in the book I purchased about how to be a trustee.

The estate attorney certainly knew estate law, but he didn’t necessarily know everything about tax law, and that’s where the tax accountant came in. A retirement account that proved tricky to distribute required help from the accountant and a financial advisor. 

Don’t pay too much attention to well-meaning advice from friends and relatives who share their experiences but don’t know the latest laws. What they experienced five or 10 years ago—even a year ago—may no longer apply. Estate and tax laws change. Real estate markets shift. Politely thank them for their input and then call an expert when you have a question.

You can rely on friends for recommendations about which experts to consider. I asked friends from where my mom lived to suggest names of attorneys, for example. The Monterey County Bar Association has a lawyer referral service. For a $50 administration fee you will be able to meet with and receive guidance from an attorney for 30 minutes. The contact number is (831) 582-5400. If you’re age 60 or above and money is limited, try calling Legal Services for Seniors at (831) 899-0492.

Last but certainly not least, a good place to reach out for grief support is the nonprofit Heal Together. Heal Together offers counseling, bereavement groups and healing activities like exercise and meditation classes. You can sign-up for help here. 

The death of a loved one will never be easy, and everyone’s experience of the grief will be a little different. Remember that you don’t have to figure everything out on your own—there are experts of all kinds who can help.

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Lessons of a trustee. Controversy in P.G. Creating creative synergy.