Your microwave isn’t spying on you. Here’s what is.

I tried not to make eye contact as I opened the door, slid the package inside and walked away. I stood in a corner where it couldn’t see me or hear me. A minute later, I walked back, opened the door and took the package out, but I couldn’t resist getting one dig in. “You sneaky, sneaky bastard,” I told it.

How had I lived all these years as a microwave oven-user and not realized it was monitoring every move I made? (Note to fringe readers: Yes I know it uses electricity and yes I know that in certain circumstances electricity can be used to detect a heartbeat. There. I’ve saved you from having to email me about it, using electricity on your internet-enabled device.)

As the aware universe knows, the subject of whether your microwave can spy on you went viral a couple of weeks ago, thanks to a pronouncement by Kellyanne Conway, adviser to the Cheetos-hued vulgarian in the White House. In an interview about Donald Trump’s claims that Barack Obama wiretapped his phones and spied on him during the campaign, Conway claimed that microwaves can turn into cameras. “We know this is a fact of modern life,” she told Bergen County Record columnist Mike Kelly. Hysterical memes followed. When other journalists pressed her to provide evidence on Trump’s wiretap claims, she stated, “I’m not in the job of having evidence.”

Your microwave can’t turn into a camera and spy on you. Neither can your toaster oven, your bread maker or your rice cooker. Your electric pressure cooker isn’t an enemy of the state.

But as nutty as Conway is, she’s not wrong about one thing: There are likely things in your house that are gathering intelligence. And those things can be hacked by people with nefarious intent. Take, for example, your smart refrigerator, your smart thermostat or your smart lightbulbs – items in the so-called Internet of Things.

“You have to ask, ‘What is the device physically capable of doing?’” my friend Nate tells me. “At this point, you have to think about it this way: Everything we do is an information-gathering exercise. Anywhere you have connectivity from an external source, it leads to some potential that it can track your habits.”

Nate is Nathan Wenzler, chief security strategist for Bay Area security consultancy AsTech Consulting and writer of the blog “The Layer 8 Debate,” for tech-industry publicationCSOonline. Layer 8 refers to the human factor in security – the factor that usually screws things up.

If you run low on yogurt, your fridge can alert you. It can send a message to the manufacturer and the manufacturer, which has your information, can make coupons for yogurt start appearing in your inbox. It’s desirable tracking – discounts show up for stuff you like to buy. But a fridge, thermostat, light bulb and other device like it lacks the security of a smartphone or laptop.

“Internet of Things devices are built with functionality in mind, and one of the functions it provides is connectivity; it’s connected to other things,” Wenzler says. “And that’s the function hackers want to compromise.”

If someone can get into your network via your fridge or light bulb, they can modify code, install their own software and leverage the fact it’s connected to all the other things in your house. It’s known as the attack chain.

“No attack is ever about the attack,” Wenzler says. “Eventually I will get to your desktop or laptop from where I started and I will get your credit cards, your bank accounts and your passwords. You say, ‘I don’t care if someone breaks into my refrigerator.’ They’re breaking in because it’s on your network – fridge to router to laptop.”

Scared yet? Good. Here’s how to make yourself less vulnerable at home.

Whatever security you can use, use it. Password protect your Internet of Things devices, and if you plug them into a home network, make sure that’s secured by a router with a firewall. Secure your wireless access points so not just anyone can log in.

And buy from companies that care about their brand identity.

“Samsung or G.E., I have a reasonable expectation they’re doing their best to secure their data and infrastructure,” Wenzler says. “If you’re buying from Bob’s Internet of Things Land, I have no idea what they’re doing.”

MARY DUAN writes The Local Spin for the Weekly. Reach her at mary@mcweekly.com.