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WINE FUN.. .Head out to Carmel Valley Saturday for Joullian Vineyards'' third annual Summer Zin-Q: Zinfandel and BBQ Open House, from 11am-4pm. As the pioneer of Zinfandel in Carmel Valley, Joullian celebrates this quintessential summer wine at its annual Zin-Q open house at the vineyards and winery. Wine tasting, vineyard tours, a picnic under the sun and wine sales are on the agenda for this event. The Joullian BBQ will smoke up a tasty carnivorous platter for a nominal fee. The winery is nestled in the mountainous area of Carmel Valley and is now open for seasonal events only, so this is a rare chance to see it and enjoy the facilities. Call for directions: (877) 659-2800, 20300 Cachagua Rd, Carmel Valley.

Also for you winery groupies, check out the Alaskan wine and food cruise aboard the six-star Crystal Harmony. Join Jack and Dawn Galante of Galante Vineyards from July 4 through the 16th on an exclusive wine and food festival through the majestic scenery of Alaska. The trip, which departs from San Francisco, includes a complimentary float plane and salmon bake shore excursion. I''m not certain, but my instincts tell me that will be one rocking boat. For booking: (888) 208-8338. For Galante: 1-800-GALANTE. Bon Voyage.

Another

wine-related tidbit: Professor of Enology (something to do with the study of Enron?) Ann Noble chose the 1998 Meador Estate Syrah as one of four wines used in her UC Davis Sensory Evaluation of Wine class. The purpose of the class is to teach wine students (huumm, there''s an interesting major) how to perform a descriptive analysis of different wine varietals. Meador Estate Syrah is a classic example of varietal integrity. The students conducted profiles and comparisons of four wines and were required to write descriptions based on the intensity of certain characteristics. Final analysis showed the Meador Estate Syrah to be the highest in clove components, smoky aromas, vanilla/butter silkiness and it was also found to be the fruitiest in the mouth (excuse me for a moment, I have to towel off). Responding students noted that the Meador Syrah was "significantly more intense" in its characteristics. The wine was described as displaying a complex mixture of red berry/black currant aromas with some spicy notes of black pepper and clove that were integrated with intense smoky/vanilla characteristics. Quoted one student, "I perceived it nicely bodied, fruity and exhibiting a good level of spiciness that made it very balanced and complex." Take that, Napa!

KUDOS GO TO...Bert Cutino, co-owner of The Sardine Factory and one of the world''s most decorated chefs-he has more medals than Eisenhower-will be receiving another award in July at the annual American Culinary Federation''s national convention in Las Vegas. >"The Chairman''s Award" is given each year by the American Academy of Chefs to an individual for their contributions to the profession. The Sardine Factory has announced plans to build a small museum and exhibition building alongside the landmark restaurant so Chef Cutino''s trophies and awards can be displayed for the public (that''s a joke, don''t go calling them to find out when it''s opening). Congrats Bert and staff.

Congrats also to Cindy Walter, co-owner of Passionfish, and to Alan Cohen of Lighthouse Cafe, both in Pacific Grove. Their efforts in helping to add reason and results regarding Pacific Grove''s ongoing grease trap problems got them an award from the city for helping with its Grease Reduction Program. Right on Cindy and Alan.

EDITED TO DEATH...Here''s a little tidbit I ran across that doesn''t relate to food per se: A woman in New York, Jeanne Heifetz, stumbled upon a dangerous practice being perpetrated by the New York State Education Department, which administers a set of exams called Regents Exams, which are required to graduate high school in New York State. After examining ten different high school English exams from the past three years, Ms. Heifetz discovered that certain passages, drawn from the literary works of Isaac Bashevis Singer, Anton Chekhov and William Maxwell, among others, had been sanitized of virtually any reference to race, religion, ethnicity, sex, nudity, alcohol, even the mildest profanity and just about anything that might offend someone for some reason. Students had to write essays and answer questions based on these doctored versions.

The State Education Department, which prepares the exams, acknowledged modifying excerpts to satisfy elaborate "sensitivity review guidelines" that have been in use for decades, but are periodically revised. It said it did not want any student to feel ill at ease while taking the test.

Ms. Heifetz, in true patriotic fashion, contacted a number of the authors involved-the living ones, not Chekhov-and told them what was going on. Naturally, the authors screamed bloody murder. It will be interesting to see how this one works itself out, or if it kind of just fades away without anything changing, like so many other insidious viruses in our social system.

JULY 4TH...The Fourth of July weekend is approaching. To those of us who have extensive experience dealing with crowds and public celebrations, Independence Day ranks with New Year''s Eve and Saint Patrick''s Day as one of the "Amateur Nights." Amateur Night is a euphemism for those times when people, spurred on by some ritualistic force, engage in sillier and more reckless behavior, disregarding normal constraints and social decorum.

This year, in light of the current climate of tension and uncertainty, I hope folks will be more conservative with their use of fireworks and mind-altering substances. The last thing we need are loud explosions shocking everyone at random times, thoughtlessly caused by some inebriated people purporting to have a fun celebration. Have your fun, but think it through before the Fourth so you can plan for less mania. Thanks in advance from me and all the public servants out there whose responsibility it is to save your asses. Catch you next time.

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Send your fireworks to ray@coastweekly.com