SQUID FRY 12.05.13 – Litterbug Jitterbug…

LITTERBUG JITTERBUG… Like most residents of Monterey County, Squid likes to hang at the beach. Squid likes playing frisbee, building sand castles and soaking a little sun into Squid’s translucent skin. And just as humans like to keep their front yards tidy with green lawns and pretty flowers, Squid wants Squid’s to look nice, and expects that visitors would feel the same way.

That’s why a visit to Fort Ord Dunes State Park to collect driftwood for a DIY art project – on a day that was warm, sunny and glorious – had Squid’s skin flashing red.

Instead of wood, Squid picked up trash – lots of it, most of which was the very worst kind: plastic. From water bottles, super-sized cups, film, styrofoam and even a monarch butterfly balloon, Squid picked up so much that there was no longer any room in Squid’s giant pack for driftwood. Not that Squid thought twice about leaving it: When plastic gets in the ocean, it breaks up in tiny pieces and gets eaten by fish. And someday, Squid eats those fish, and that plastic.

Other distressing finds included a decaying metal fuel canister and a full bottle of antiseptic microbicide (yuck!), toxins that could turn Squid into dead calamari.

And though it wasn’t news to Squid, a recent study by MBARI researchers shows that trash has even found its way deep into the reaches of the Monterey Canyon. A discarded tire might make a fine home for a sea anemone, but it ain’t gonna cut it for Squid.

A CHRISTMAS FEAST… Barely having digested turkey and stuffing, Squid’s annual hankering for cookies and milk set in. Maybe Squid could get into the Christmas spirit if Squid had a taste of Salinas City Councilman Steve McShane’s shortbread, which McShane claims have the ability to turn embattled politicians into allies. “I make a mean Christmas cookie,” he says. “Food is my secret weapon in politics. It forms a bond.”

He’s planning to bake for a Dec. 11 meeting of the Association of Monterey Bay Area Governments, which had to schedule a special December meeting to iron outdisagreements over allocating affordable housing in Santa Cruz and Monterey counties. Squid recommends they meet over milk and cookies and play nicely.

Meanwhile, at the FORA colloquium happening Dec. 12-13 (see p. 10), there will be grown-up libations – which Del Rey Oaks Mayor and FORA Chair Jerry Edelenbelieves could have the power to resolve differences, like those over, say, Monterey Downs. “We intend to have some wine,” Edelen says. “It’s one thing to show up at a professional meeting and hammer it out using logic; it’s another after you’ve had a couple glasses of wine.”

Maybe they’ll forget they’re supposed to be frenemies. Either way, Squid thinks the idea of a bunch of drunk politicians at a public forum is more fun than Christmas.