COUGH JOB… Squid’s not known for Squid’s athletic abilities, but Squid has a talent for scarfing down large quantities of shrimp-flavored popcorn in one sitting. If popcorn-eating was an Olympic sport, Squid would be popcorn-eating’s Simone Biles. Squid can imagine the endorsement deals: Squid-approved popcorn. Squid-quality ink. Squid-themed T-shirts. And Squid’s English bulldog Rosco P. Coltrane could also score some promotions.
Squid’s endorsement hopes pale compared to gold medalists’, even Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, now best known for Lochtegate, rather than swimming fast. But Lochte landed his first post-Rio endorsement deal with a Carmel-based company. The ad campaign for cough drop company Pine Bros. will reportedly be based on the theme of forgiveness. As in, cough drops are “forgiving on your throat.” Squid gets it: While Lochte was telling the authorities about being robbed *cough* at gunpoint *cough* he was really just trying to find redemption.
Pine Bros. announced the partnership with Lochte via Twitter with the hashtag #easytojudgetimetoforgive. When Squid launches Squid’s new side businesses landing endorsement deals, Squid will keep that motto in mind: Even if you can’t spray ink or power through popcorn as well as Squid, Squid forgives your shortcomings.
FAN MAIL… Squid loves getting snail mail, but sometimes the mailman can’t find Squid’s lair. So when a hand-written letter to the editor arrived the other day, Squid was delighted.
Marina resident Mark Bunten penned a public apology and thank you on yellow legal pad paper. The opening sentence reads, “Currently I’m up a creek w/out a paddle AND in the dog house.” Squid decided to follow Bunten up said creek by reading the rest of the letter.
On July 31, after more than a three-hour standoff with law enforcement, Bunten was arrested and booked on charges of making criminal threats and assault with a deadly weapon. According to the Marina Police Department, Bunten’s wife reported that Bunten was mad at his neighbor, had a gun and threatened to shoot both his neighbor and his wife. A month later, Bunten felt bad, and directed part of his letter toward his wife: “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for being so grumpy,” he wrote. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you.”
He also thanked a SWAT team member who showed a moment of compassion, “whose gloved hand reached out and brushed the dirt off of my shirt.”
Bunten also thanked the “whole neighborhood who had to put up with a SWAT standoff.” As he points out, “Sirens and loudspeakers with sniper nests in your garage can really muddle a Sunday afternoon!”
On that note, Squid is thankful for the lair, where – like the mailman – sirens and sniper nests can’t find Squid.