One man's take on his culture's stereotypes

Dear Mexican: A group of very young soldiers in the Mexican Army were being chased through the castle by U.S. Marines. At the end of the chase, the Mexicans realized they were trapped on a balcony and, instead of dying on bayonets, they wrapped themselves in Mexican flags and leapt to their deaths off the balcony. Now these boys are revered as the Niños Héroes. What is it about running from a fight and committing suicide that implies bravery and heroism? I bet their commanding officer was calling them Niños Chingones. –From the Halls of Montezuma

Dear Gabacho: If you’re going to make a case for Mexican cowardice, at least get the facts right. Only one of the six Niños Héroes (“Heroic Boys”) leaped off Chapultepec Castle in the climactic battle of the Mexican-American War wrapped in the tricolor; the other five fought to the death against the gabachos despite orders from their commanders to fall back. Sounds valiant but don’t take my palabra for it: when reporters asked Harry Truman why he paid his respects to the chavos when he visited Mexico City in 1947, Give ’Em Hell simply replied, “Brave men don’t belong to any one country. I respect bravery wherever I see it.”

Why is it that Mexicans (not the pocho/Chicano Mexicans like me, but the border-brother ones), have those stupid stickers depicting the images of their huge families, with their names, from big to small, on the back window of their Chevy Astro vans? It’s always about seven to 14 images of their families and pets, starting with the Big Papi Julio, ending with little perro Chico. And they always have a kid named Angel or Jesus, and a token kid with a gringo name like Mathew or Jeff. Between putting those big stickers of cows on their doors, and the name of their state or village in big humungous letters across their windshields or rear windows, it’s getting pathetic. I kind of have a feeling that it’s the Big Papi that’s behind these family stickers. He’s feels macho showing everybody how many kids he has; little does he know most of them will become gangbangers, get shot, put in prison or die from drug overdoses. –Wanting Wabs to Stop Being So Stupid

Dear Wab: Mijo, were you around during the 1980s? Back then, gabachos used to hang mini-yield signs from their back-seat windows with stupid sayings like “Baby on Board.” Maybe you saw the Simpsons episode where Homer wrote a barbershop quartet song addressing the phenomenon, thereby catapulting him to international acclaim. Folks in America have been putting crap on their cars since Henry Ford included a copy of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion with each Model T. Mexicans might seem to suffer more from this malady but if you think only wabs do this, head to your nearest truck stop and see how many good ol’ muchachos have mud flaps with Yosemite Sam.

Ask the Mexican at askamexican@mcweekly.com.